Day 307: Dreamchasers

I am always overly impressed and inspired with Dream chasers. What is a dream chaser you say? Someone who knows what they want to do and nothing is going to stop them from doing this, not even crazy stuff, no especially crazy stuff. I am a bit of a dream chaser, I will get something into my head and will not stop until I get what I want. PS non-dream chasers are haters. Never tell them your plans.

I am the most supportive human being on the planet. MOSTLY only when it comes to crazy dream chaser stuff. (*Definitely not the supportive women to the man part)

Every time my sister ever tells me shes going to do something or try something new, my response is always do it. Even it sounds crazy, nah especially if it sounds crazy.

I was invited by my cousin to see some middle school kids that won a poetry competition on what love is. These kids were going to a program everyday afters chool for the minimum of three hours to get into academically competitive high schools and college. It was beautiful and amazing to see children who have so much ambition and courage to do amazing things to make their lives better.

A few months ago, I was inspired by my former roommate who has always wanted to be a model and Miss USA as long as I have known her. She is the only person that I know who rode the Chinatown midnight ship from Norfolk VA to NY in Chinatown, just so she could get closer to what she wanted. Recently, I was amazed after she put up a request on facebook for others to help her raise money for the Miss NY pageant. Amazingly, we listened and we gave. (She got a lot of support and a lot of money!) I wondered what made this different from all the other times, there are always requests for money, but I can often just ignore. But this one hit me close to my heart, she was asking me to help her achieve her dream, something she was already working towards, and I had to help. Wouldn't I want someone to help me in that position?

I always want to support those in the next generation who have big ideas and encourage anyone to do the most they can, and I'll help too ok! :)

Day 308: 6 degrees of Randomness from Sidney Poiter

And so...I was on netflix this weekend and wanted to find a certain movie, but didn't remember the title so I looked up African-American movies. As I'm scanning over the movie for descriptions, I realize that most of these movies are leaving Feb 29th. What the WHAT? Did Netflix just pull one over us for Black History Month? They only got movies on there for Black people for Black History Month....(it's not true, you militants, I'm just trying to make a point.) So I decided right then and there...that I would take one for the team and watch every single Black movie on there I haven't seen.

So I was watching Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, and I found myself getting angry at this ignorant little white girl and this Black man who knew better, to get married interacially in the 60s, have you lost your minds?? I was shouting at the White parents to tell them to wait 6 months and see how you feel and other things your parents try to tell you when you are making a mistake. Wait, what....it been 50 years since this movie came out....either this movie was futuristic progressive, or I'm a backwards thinker. OR maybe I'm just a planner. This movie made no sense to me and if tears came up in Katharine Hepburn's eyes one time, I was going to throw my laptop. It made the women seem like dreamers and romance chasers, the men as rational human beings, who can't bear to break their children's hearts, when that jerk (Poiter's character) set it up, so he could slide out if he needed too. Which is why I love what the White Dad said at the end.(*No spoiler alert). And then it ended, boom.

So this got me thinking about Sidney Poiter, amazing man with an amazing career. So I googled him. AMAZING GUY, but that's not what caught my eye. It was the play and movie, 6 Degrees of Separation, loosely based on a guy who said he was Sidney Poiter's son and got into a lot of people's houses and lives just from that. The author was amazed at the power of just his name was for people to trust this guy and open up his home to them.

So that got me thinking about one of my favorite quotes is from this movie. I actually made my mom sit with me and watch 6 Degrees of Separation with me. It is a looooonng movie. And my mom hates what she calls "rhetoric" when the whole movie is about talking and no one actually does anything. BUT Will Smith's character at one point has to explain/apologize about why he snuck a male prostitute into the room, he was staying at with hospitable strangers.

He said, "I was so happy I wanted to add sex to it. Don't you do that?"

But then when you think about it you do. So they find themselves wondering are they angry because he is sleeping with a man? Or because he picked up a prostitute? Or because he brought him to their house? Or is what he said logical? Would they have been mad if it was a woman?

And then I went back to Guess Who is Coming to Dinner and I realized the argument is the same. Are they angry because they are interracial? Because they are rushing into marriage? Because they are not thinking about or planning their futures? Because he is so DANG old for her (he was 37, she was 23.) Or would all of this being ok if they were with their own races?

And then I stopped thinking about it, turned off Netflix, rubbed my head, because all this 6 degrees from Sidney Poiter is confusing... (And did I mentioned he married a White women in real life? Did it feel just like the movie? Was it deja vu? Did he do the same thing?)

AND END THOUGHT.


PS I started this blog so many times. It was first going to be about my night last night, about my friend for 9 + years and how we have more adventures than Ramona Quimby and Amelia Bedelia combined. But I couldn't tell any of the stories...all of them made us sound crazy. Then I wanted to write about having sex when you are happy based from that quote, but I can't do that...too private info. So then I just got tired and half a$$ed it. I'm sorry. I got you next time!

Day 309: What if I gave you the manual to loving me, would you succeed?

It seems no matter what way I lay it out, it doesn't work. Relationship wise, I mean. So how do you get something and make sure it works the way it is supposed to? Read the manual. I thought if I laid it out, it would be too easy, but not predictable. but here it is. How to love me.

1. Be very intelligent. -My patience for listening to idiots is limited.

2. Mean what you say.- If your words don't match your actions, your words don't mean anything.

3.Succeed in your life.-Believe me, I will always do me and make sure that I am doing things that make my loved ones proud. I'm going need you to do the same.

4. Don't come up to me when you are not a whole person. -I am a whole person, have been that way for a while. I don't need others to pay my bills, I can finish my own sentences, I have a car AND a license, and a job, education and career path. If you can't say yes to all these, do not PASS GO, do not collect a phone number.

5. Realize that love is shown in different ways and show it.- I could care less if you give me a bag worth $500, remember my blog name and something I wrote about and I'm yours.

6. The key to my heart is attention.- Texting me, calling me, seeing me, recognizing me, giving me gifts, feeding me, talking about me and I'm near by all these are a source of affection for me.

7. I want to trust you.- I want to go new places with you and not have you looking at me. I want you to protect me in case of harm. I want to know that instead of causing problems, you'll be there to help me solve them. I want to know when times get tough, you won't disappear.

8. I'm seasonal- From March- July, just wind me up and I'm off. I don't need much interaction unless I'm asking you to go on a trip with me. But any of those winter months, shut down. I  need you more than usually. Just please be patient, I'm going through a phase, it will lift as soon as it gets warm again.

8. I can be demanding, but only because I expect as much as I'm willing to give which is a lot. And if you can't handle all I have, I'm willing to make it easier on you and give some to someone else. Tough. I guess I'll have to find someone stronger.
9. I am ready to start thinking about settling down and building a future with someone. Are you it? I'm really not interested in a 6 year relationship. We make it 9-10 months tops, lets move on to the next stuff.

10. If you tell me, THAT YOU DON"T WANT ME RIGHT NOW, that your job has you too busy and you have things that you gotta do.... My answer is: If you don't want me now, then your taking a chance, I won't want you later.


Be blessed. Terrific night!

Day 310: New eating habits

Welcome Spring! Well sometimes it seems as if its coming, and sometimes it seems that it is still battling whatever is left from fake winter. With the seasons changing,  I have been doing research on my food habits. (Gotta get bathing suit ready).  I have been reading a lot about the genetically-engineered bovine growth hormone (rBGH) which is a steroid given to cows to make them produce more milk making them more profitable. There's just one thing. The steroids are passed on to you when you drink the milk. And your children (not to mention you) start gaining weight, growing super fast, hitting puberty early, which often leads to cancer in later life. So I have actively decided to stay far, far away from it and you should too. It is actually not super hard to avoid, all of the dairy products at Target are rBGH free, but you need to remember its more than just milk, but yogurt, butter, creamer, whipped cream (That's a whole other fight in my house.) Also a lot of horizon organic products are available (and a bit more expensive), but you generally even taste a difference! Some of my favorite rBGH products are Chobani Greek yogurt, Trader Joe butter, and since my parents are still in the country, real farmers cheese. I also enjoy getting my fruits and vegetables when I visit my parents since I know they are not sprayed with chemicals and sent from Florida or somewhere.

What about Chicken you say? Well, according to FDA rules, they are not allowed to use steroids on chicken, but using organic is best. I've seen some um rather large breasts, that simply can not be God-made so you use your best judgement.


My other love is turkey dogs, besides the high levels of sodium, these suckers are filled with nitrates, (chemicals that help keep all the meat together in that cute little hot dog form). Generally with a second glance, you can find nitrate-free hot dogs that are generally on sale just like the others.

I have also been recently drinking two cups of green tea daily. Have you ever read how good green tea is for you? And the taste is not bad at all. There are so many great attributes to this. It can help prevent you from getting almost anything including arthritis, cancers, weight loss, strokes, heart health and energy. I still go caffeine free, but do put a little cane sugar. (I prefer cane sugar, but haven't researched the differences or non-differences between that and corn fructose syrup).

And as always, I try to down at least! 8 glasses of water.

What about you? What are you doing for your health? What things are you changing for the spring or just changing in general to better your body? 

rBGH issues

Green Tea Benefits

Have a beautiful day!

Day 311: Rule follower me vs. Wild me

The biggest fight ever is often between oneself. I just made that quote up. LOL, but feel free to use it, make use your use my name or at least my moniker. ummm hmmm. Thanks!

I was talking with a "friend" about how I have two totally different aspects to my personality. There is rule follower me and wild me. Now rule follower me, that is the daughter to a police officer and granddaughter to a Reverend. She loves order, loves schedules, loves expectations. She does well when there are rules to follow as long as the rules makes sense. She loves playing in the lines, and hates seeing others who don't follow rules because that what makes sense and keeps the world running orderly. She sees the world going to hell in a handbag and cringes when she hears people talking about how they got one over or someone or something else. This girl exceeds expectations, loves doing the right thing, finds it easy to follow what her parents, co-workers, bosses, and even friends think she should be. She wants to be respected and would use that to end a relationship. She loves picking the hardest things to do, doing things for people who expect nothing, and being the overall leader and caregiver. This is the me who directs my life...graduate school, marriage, and baby before 30.

Now wild me? That is a completely different story. She is more hippie,  more non-conformist, more go-with-the flow, more sexual. She's more of a "You don't put Baby in a corner." She is fearless, loves jerks and arrogance, doesn't like to be constricted not even in her clothing (she only wears dresses). She openly flows between the rules that the rule follower puts on her and is often the one who doesn't feel guilty one dang bit about her actions. Let the rule follower worry. I think wild me curses and is the more passionate one. The one who can't keep her mouth shut, who tells off people who are wrong. She was very strongly present in my early 20s but now she often has to take a backseat to rule follower. She makes friends easier because they appreciate the aura that she represents. And she comes out every year when spring time hits...here's to seeing her soon.

Day 312: Pet peeves

SO I hate complaining, but when I see these two things they absolutely press my buttons!

1. Babies and food:
a.) Look how much my baby can eat!!! Dear mothers, fathers, and other caregivers, please do not do this to your babies. If you keep feeding them, they will keep eating. Babies don't know how much food or drink to have. This is your job as the parents. Give them the appropriate amount! Do not teach them to eat whenever there is food or worse always put food in the mouths. Do you understand the repercussions your doing as that baby becomes a child, or worse an adult, and they were taught to just keep eating....or taught to eat huge portions. Then we have overweight children or (if their metabolism is good), children with bad eating habits that will eventually have their habits catch up to their weight.

I literally cringe when I saw Maury who had a bunch of teen moms talking about how they love their babies so if they cry, they shove chocolate milk in their mouths. WHAT BABY should even know what chocolate milk tastes like?

2.) Babies and TV
a) It drives me mad when parents comment on how much their baby likes watching tv. Ok, a little tv cool, the little DVDs that make them more aware ok. Sesame Street and Dora....cool. Wait what did you say?  YOUR BABY HAS SPENT THREE HOURS WATCHING MOVIES AND SHE LOVES TO STARE AT THE TV.

What....you as a parent should be ashamed. That baby does not need to be watching so much tv. You will realize this when your child is 5 or 6 and can't sit still for more than 5 minutes unless the dang tv is on. Whatever, you say. What about the 6 hours that they can't sit in school? (Remember I was at the school with them....they couldn't sit still) Yes, there is a breaking point and sometimes you the parent need a break, and the break is TV, but please use it minimally. Please.

b.) Babies and high definition videos that make normal people go into seizures.

Why was I on the metro...and this baby was watching the Willow Smith, "Whip My Hair" video...over and over? Do you know I almost had a seizure that video has so many lights, color, swift changes, and noises? Can you imagine what it was doing to the baby. Babies are fascinated by mobiles, and not even colorful ones just something black and white that twirls. This is what they need for stimulation, recognizing the world around them. Have you as an adult ever been overstimulated? It's horrible, right? Makes you dizzy, gives you a headache, too much, you think, too much. HOW do you think this baby feels?

Day 313: City living and suddenly being able to see style

OH my gosh, this is my 3rd year living in DC filled with people who have great fashion sense. I, admittedly, do not. I might be able to put a thing or two together, (dress+shoes+earrings) but let it get complicated blazer, sweater, layers, type of shoe, makeup, hair accessory, hair style, nope I just get lost. So why, did a friend from the country send me a picture and immediately noticed oh, that doesnt go, that doesn't go, nope. ME???? I can't judge cause I've sure been that person before. Happily. I may have once said:

So what it's all blue right?

 (looks good to me)

I have grown from then (stop judging me!)

Thanks city, one good thing you've done so far. (along with making me learn how to parallel park on the left side and aggressive driving) Unfortunately, you soured me to seeing good relationships, and probably spoiled me in the fact that there are so many great jobs to be had here, also keeping me from saving any money due to rent and the city thing of buying whatever you want immediately, oh and how expensive eating out is....yea that's probably enough. OH and your men SUX.

Day 314: My friends have sharp tongues

You know it has been stated before that I can be hard to deal with. Not in the initial phases, but when you delve into what I really believe it takes to be my friend/boyfriend, it is probably a lot. Not saying that it doesn't go both ways, when you become a friend of mine, I treat it like going to College at William and Mary. I give it my all, I do extra, I study, I attend all meetings I am invited to and information I know, I raise my hand and give my opinion, I do extra credit and I want the A.

It seems out here in the real world, they too treat it like their college experiences, hardly go to classes, don't finish, half-hearted, do the bare minimal, and complain about why they are not having a richer experience (with better grades, which they are obviously not getting) or worse they didn't have to try very hard because they got everything by exerting minimal effort. BUT ...like college, I need to see the rewards. What am I working for? What am I trying to achieve? Is the person (or college in this situation) giving me everything I need to achieve and recognize my hard work?

I was reading the other day about a girl that sued Univ of Texas- Austin because she didn't get in. Can you imagine she sued because she didn't like their decision and decided that hers was of more importance. (This is what I am taking from the story. I may be wrong. It was mentioned that her grades were never up to par.) The part I was thinking about it, is what if they ruled in her favor (she now is a senior at another college, so it matters none whatsoever but she is still suing), and she got to go to Univ of Texas-Austin. If I was a student there and I found out that she sued her way into a position at the school, I would be heckling. (This is wrong I don't advise it) But one of the greatest feelings ever is knowing that your merits, (or familial connections or money) got you the position in the school, not complaining an acting like a kindergartner. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Does any of this have anything to do with my title? NO! Just to say my few precious people I consider friends are full of anecdotes, sharp tongues, witty responses, and almost mean comments if I didn't know them so well.

Upon telling one of my friends the opinion of someone else dealing with my matters of heart, she got to the gist of the situation in one quick motion. And it was HARSH. (well only if the other person heard it, but it was true, conversation over boom. I think she got that from me. This used to be the nicest (still is the nicest). AND the craziest thing is I left off-color comments roll off my tongue that often involve her life or so one close to her and she doesn't even go off. I think she knows the silent judgment things works on me

Day 315: Everyone's opinion doesn't matter

I have been briefly battling with the idea of disbanding my blog. I have become very frustrated with listening to other people's opinions especially regarding what they think about Whitney's Houston' death and Chris Brown and Rihanna's relationship/not relationship. Truly, if they were commenting that this is what I think, it wouldn't do so bad, but who give regular people the right to judge other's lives. If it's not about you, stay out of it. The internet has created a sound board for any Tom, Dick, or Harry, to blaspheme and speak with such disrespect about someone that you aren't even close too.

That's ridiculous.

 I am trying to determine if I'm using it as communication, reaching out for someone to hear me, using it because of the loss of the telephone being used to get to know people, or being used for just general conversation. Now, I feel like I just want to have face time with anyone and everyone. No not the app on iphone, real face to face conversation, with touches and laughter and all that stuff.

I'm not taking it down, but I plan to watch my words a little more carefully. There are things I never expected to come out and I always thought that I would be posting funny, witty, light-hearted commentary, but life isn't always like that I suppose.

So toast to the real me. The oddball. The one that I feel like nobody gets me. Maybe that's why I type...you, blog reader, you get me....

Sings "Bouncing on my booty shop, my booty shop." ( ABG reference lol)

Day 316: How did you get your hair like that?

Of all the things in life, one of the things I most like hearing from others, "how did you get your hair like that?" Sadly, I also find it one of the hardest questions to answer. Usually, I go with it, it just does it. If you haven't met me before, you should know that I am blessed with a mass of curls, that I refer to as my curly mop, as I am in the process of growing them to a respectable curly length (which is hard in itsself), and as it gets warmer, I find more people stopping to ask how to make theirs look like mine.

well, thanks. What started as a quest to go natural and stop putting unnecessary chemicals in my hair became a chance to see the true me and what I look like. People in my family often look at my hair in awe and then say they couldn't do that, but in actuality probably have hair just as curly or curlier than mine.

To you younger folks who are battling with your hair and it breaks off, falls out and generally looks thirsty, I have a secret. I was you. My mom and others in my family began putting perm in my hair when I was young, too young. As a adult, I asked them why would they do that. I never had tough hair, sure it was unruly, (I was the kid who came home and the top and sides were standing up all over her head), but nothing some vaseline and a bottle of water couldn't fix. My mother said she had no idea why she did, but it was just something you "do". I only got perms once, at most twice a year, so my need was so little, but the damage was so great. But it  made my young, long hair look sleek and controlled.

And then I hit puberty, and IT ALL FELL OUT. My long luscious ponytail, became a puff on the top of my head, and not even a strong puff. I remember plenty of Black women coming up to me and smacking my bottom, for cutting off my pretty hair. Confused, I fought back tears. I didn't. My mom, unsure what to do continued perming it, because at least it looked longer, and healthy for a week or so. I know look at my younger cousins all going through the same thing, and it hurts my heart.

When I speak it goes to deaf ears, people who don't even know why they do their hair like that, have such strong convictions about perms, they don't know the thing that is making their hair "pretty" is what is making them lose their hair.

In college, I freed myself from the perm and even learned that my hair isn't even strong enough for highlights. My hair needs a lot of moisture and a lot of love to grow and nourish. And it grows like Theo from the first season of the Cosby Show. The back first, this looks hella awkward when it is growing but I am trying to come up with good alternative looks during those times.

How do I get my hair this way? I wash it and wear it with some kinky-curly leave in. It took 6 months after all the perm was gone to coax my hair to go to its curly state and even then it curled in many different ways and took 4 years just for it not to go where it wants to. I hear at 6 years you finally figure out how to wear your hair perfectly and it gets to the length and curl pattern that you want. I am excited!!

P.S. I will add a pic of my hair as soon as I find a good one.

Day 317: To accept what you already knew

I have been in international long distance relationships twice in my life. I generally know how they go. I've seen them develop and deteriorate, I've had to listen as girls talk and talk about their significant others at home as they are literally surrounded by handsome, tan, beach bodied boys. My first international long distance "relationship" was already a long distance relationship that we hardly saw each other (him NC, me VA), so were going to be fine. When I got there, I mentioned being in a relationship, oh so was everyone else, but day by day, we started slipping in that we were single. Mine was simple, I only heard from him once or twice in 2 weeks. I stated that wasn't enough and still not hearing from him, I simply changed in a relationship to single on my Facebook, hoped he got the message and moved on with my life.

The second time, the guy was just a friend and as I was overseas our correspondence continued to be stronger and more regular and he even called me on my birthday to wish me a good one even though phone calls were very expensive. When I got home, we started dating, and he was there for me for one of my weakest and hardest part of my life. He showed me he was a rock, by sending me regular emails and facebook message, and I was able to trust him to believe that he could be relied on.

I've seen relationships were they determined that they would be together to matter what, and so they were together. It didn't matter where.

That being said, I haven't heard from BF for a week. We had previously before that week been fighting over the lack of recognition of love, since I had asked for a Valentine's Day present (and I needed to ask) and he willfully (in an almost don't blame me, I'm the good guy way) denied my request. He loves me, I should know by the text messages I receive. We also had previously talked about moving to the next level and getting engaged and he had even purchased the ring, but when it came to the part of us talking about our future, he said that he wouldn't do it for at least a year or more. On his part, he said all I really wanted to do was be engaged and that I was wrong. (trying to call me Kim K.) In my opinion, I am Khloe, I find what I want, fall for it unconditionally, and want to be with it for always as soon as possible. Maybe I'm just country. Shrugs.

I won't be calling him BF anymore. I don't believe that a BF would do that. We previously texted, voxered, skyped, skype messaged, g chat, gmail, facebook chat, facebook messaged, or talked everyday and now I see him on gmail and facebook all the time, but without a message to me. My requests go unanswered by him.

This is another time that he has disappointed me, and though I love that man with everything I have, I know it's not the same, maybe he's too young, maybe he doesn't realize how bad its hurts, but I have to pick up the pieces and start again.

Stay tuned to see if he'll be mentioned again.

Day 318: Is it too early to start planning for my birthday?

3 MONTHS! 3 MONTHS!!!! Why it seemed just yesterday, it was my sister's birthday, but now here it is almost a month later! Is it too early to start planning for my birthday, who will be involved, what we will do. NAWWWW. I'm so excited. I wonder if I will always feel this way about birthday?? (UH yea probably!)

I have so many plans already one would involve me being in two countries for my birthday having the 19th two times!! How fun does that sound?? And possibly tiring!

One plan involves me going to the best place ever for birthdays. Elementary school!!! Of course, I don't work there anymore. Would that be awkward?  No, I don't think so. Right??

Anyways, I'm starting to have things to look forward too. After this fake winter, (which was still annoying even if it wasn't super cold) it is time for things to foster and grow, new life to abound.  Makes me want to skip through a field.


Time to start the smile process.

Day 319: The concept of repeat

In an effort to get to know myself a little better, I went through previous journals of my life dating all the way back to college. A chance to see how I felt at any point in my past, and I realized how cyclical my life is. No matter where I am, who I am, my life mirrors what happened last year at that point. When I make new friends, when I am most successful at dating, when I feel sad, when I feel very successful, even when I am likely to change my hairstyle, it all very planned and structured if you look at it kinda like from above your own life. What would your life look like if it was in a box or a maze rather and you can look at it from above? Study it really? I think mine would be a spiral. Everyday learning, growing doing new things, but always kind of going back to same place perhaps with a new outlook, perhaps realizing my outlook was right in the first place.

Wow.

It was MLK day, and I was parking in front of a broken meter in front of the Waterfront to stop and get crabs with one of my closest friends and while I contemplated calling the meter hotline to report the broken meter, I realized I already had the answer. I could actually remember this from one year before and I knew exactly what the operator told me last year. "It doesn't matter honey, you don't have to pay today anyways, it's a federal holiday."
How odd, did my body want crabs because it expected it on this day. I thought this was a unique craving, when I told my friend, she said, "Well now we have a tradition, don't we?"

And there's more, I always get an urge to go to 757 beaches in the beginning of May, and always add it as part of my birthday month festivities.

This was a revelation, of sorts, but one that doesn't have an action to precede, just a chance to see with a different pair of eyes. It makes me feel omniscient, over my own life at least. There is still a wonder of what I'm going to do next, but still a certainty of what will definitely happen.

Crazy, right?

Day 320: ...

I get out by Lauryn Hill

I get out, I get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Father free me from this bondage
Knowin' my condition
Is the reason I must change

Your stinkin' resolution
Is no type of solution
Preventin' me from freedom
Maintainin' your polution
I won't support your lie no more
I won't even try no more
If I have to die, oh Lord
That's how I choose to live
I won't be compromised no more
I can't be victimised no more
I just don't sympathize no more
Cuz now I understand
You just wanna use me
You say "love" then abuse me
You never thought you'd lose me
But how quickly we forget
That nothin' is for certain
You thought I'd stay here hurtin'
Your guilt trip's just not workin'
Repressin' me to death
Cuz now I'm choosin' life, yo
I take the sacrifice, yo
If everything must go, then go
That's how I choose to live

That's how I choose to live...
Hehehehe, awhh
No more compromises
I see past your disguises
Blindin' through mind control
Stealin' my eternal soul
Appealin' through material
To keep me as your slave

But I get out
Oh, I get out of all your boxes
I get out
Oh, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out
Oh, I want out of social bondage
Knowin' my condition
Oh, is the reason I must change

Day 321: How not to be a loser and what a slim chance to succeed

So part of my new adult life, I have been looking a lot at relationships and who is really winning at this. I used to be a dating expert, mostly because I started at 15 years old so hopefully 11 years later I got it down pat, but onward to this new monster called relationships. Ahhh, you think they are the same, or maybe even related not so much. In the words of Isaiah Washington in one of my most watched movies, Love Jones, "All of this people running around here jumping, skipping, falling in love...falling in love ain't shit. Somebody talk to me PLEASE about how to stay there."

Falling in love is easy, feels good, looks good, and oh man, the feeeeelings are out of this world. This part I have down, even know how long it's going to last. Now look at the man 3 years later. How are you supposed to feel about him then?

Deciding you want to marry someone and dating them are two different things entirely. You can date anyone as long as they don't get on your nerves, but suddenly you're thinking does this work for life. Can you really stand for him to mess up his finances, but now it could affect you? Can you really deal when something bad happens due to his neglience and then straight face not blame him? OR something bad happens and you stick around hoping it gets good again? Can you really look at him when bad thing after bad thing happens to him and not quietly cough, "that's karma" into your glove for that horrible year he put you through because you did stick around?

So I'm going home from work on Valentine's Day (worse commute ever~off-loaded trainS!) and I'm on the bus next to a pretty workaholic in her 30s. It took us forever to get to that point so it was after 6p.m. Workaholic answers the phone and proceeds to talk about work and what needs to get done, what she will do tonight, and how she couldn't believe that people weren't available to talk to her tonight. OH Gosh, please not me please not me. That life is not one that I want at all.

I also think there is a point were you become set in your ways, and may not be able to adjust to having a life that is a "we" after you've been you for so long. Marry young and stupid, but not too young and stupid, because you need to know who you are and not just be an extension of the man. For example, I see a lot of military girlfriends/wives that are BF's friends's women, and I can't believe how much their life depends on the man. Some of the women were staying at hotels for weeks at a time just to get a glimpse of their men on the weekends. Others gave up college to stay close.  That life is not one that I want at all (unless it involves a villa in Italy, then I will be forced to have to pull a BWMN (by whatever means necessary) to make sure I'm right there up under my BF turned HUSBAND)

Then there are we long-distance girlfriends, I'm not going to lie, my relationship is grasping by straws that I just can't seem to touch. The love is there, but what can we do to foster it, without touch and time. I hate feeling like I'm not growing staying in the same place, but I have put the necessary motions in order for us to see each other, for it to work out, now I just have to wait and see if it works out. We are generally the ones who get the rings. (if you read essence.com, every week on just engaged there is a long-distance relationship that they couldn't take it anymore and tied the knot) I'm sure that involved seeing each other more than just every 6 months, that enough to make you forget somebody.

And finally the "we've been together for 10 years" dating. What? Why? I always assumed that I would date someone for a year decide that's what I wanted, do the engagement thing for a year then get married. 10 years and nothing to show for it but those 10 years. Yuck. And not even count as marriage. Do you realize at this day and time a 10 year marriage would be considered a success? My BF actually said that he would like to get to know someone for a couple of years, get close to each others families, etc. That sounds good if we met in middle school, but kinda hard to do as adults that met after college and hardly visit or see our parents ourselves. If this is his route, he might have to start at day one with someone else.

 So my slim chance to succeed is to get married, while I'm young, stupid and not set in my ways, but not too young or too stupid, somehow get my BF to think we've been together for 5+ years, while I would like it to be 2, be close to each other a lot more often, but not too close to each other that we are smothered and most of all, don't take work phone calls on Valentine's night. We should be cuddling or eating.

Day 322: NEWSFLASH: We need recognition!

Awhile back my co-worker and I were Administrative Professionals anxiously awaiting Administrative Professionals Day. The previous year, our boss had set it up that we had the same lunch time, so that we could go to the restaurant of his choice for lunch.  That year was awkward. We barely knew one another and didn't know anything about one another outside of work. But this year would be grat, we all had become great co-workers/friends. Just one problem, he hadn't mentioned it. We slyly put it on his outlook calendar, and handwrote it on the calendar in his office. NOTHING. We mentioned it in a meeting. NOTHING. We recounted last year. (At this time, didn't we go eat?) STILL NOTHING. They day of Administrative Professionals Day, my co-worker/friend sent out an email telling others thank you in accordance to the day. Finally having her fill, she frustratedly stormed his office. And...he laughed. He knew all along and told his staff not to say anything so he could surprise us. I have no idea if we went to eat that day or some other time, but I know we got the recognition that we so badly wanted.

What I remember most from that day is my co-worker/friend flared nostrils as she went in his office to discuss his indifference. I said all this to say "We need attention!" I know you are supposed to be acknowledged and be thankful for the work of Administrative Professionals daily, but often people don't, so they created a special day to do it.
I know you are always supposed to show your loved ones love and be thankful for them in your everyday life, but people take each other for granted, and don't show their love thinking please "she has food on the table right?" So they created a special day to do it, and they called it Valentine's Day.  Forget all that other stuff about this being a made-up holiday, so what I don't have a girlfriend, and only girls care about this holiday. The answers are yes, DUH, and yes. And you probably don't have a girlfriend because you didn't treat her special. AND if you didn't treat her special and she's still your girlfriend, she probably didn't have a very good relationship with her daddy and thinks this is the best it gets. And if none of these are true to you, and you treat your girl very well, then you are quite possibly the one getting shafted. It goes both ways boys and girls. (woops got carried away, back to my point)

I know you are supposed to be thankful everyday for your blessed life, but people don't so they created a special day to do it, and called it Thanksgiving. (Never mind what Thanksgiving is used for now as a pre-cursor day to sleep before you shop all night).

My point being everyone needs recognition. When they are doing right, and when they do something out of the ordinary. Thank them. Tell them how good they look. Tell them how good the food tastes. Just be grateful.

Be grateful.