The true definition of the mall

I hate shopping. Absolutely hate it. While I enjoy the results that come from shopping, I don't get the thrill that other people I know feel. I'm in, find stuff that looks like me, out. Simple. Sometimes I buy things that look and aren't necessarily my size. I am notorious for buying clothes that are bigger than me, so I know that they will fit.

But sometimes I go to the mall....and everytime I do it's not for the clothes, not for the wider selection, not for the people, no....I go for Auntie Anne's Cinnamon Sugar Pretzel.

Bribed since childhood, I have come to feel a hankering for a pretzel as soon as I set foot in a mall. Then it becomes a waiting game, how many stores, how much time can I wait before I sink my teeth into one. Yum....

In case you are wondering about great bribery ideas...go for the pretzel. it works.

So I disappeared...A Year in Review

I disappeared...it has been awhile...but while this has been a long year in making, it is finally coming to a close. WOW. I can see my transition in writing. I did not make it to 365 posts, but i made it to 204! (well i still have some time if I care to write more.)

My last post was in November, and then I removed myself from writing. Instead of posting about things that I knew for certain, I found that in my new environment I noticed that nothing was certain at all. Things I took for granted that was a part of my life, removed, people that I'm used to being around gone, life full of early mornings, busy nights, traffic, and lots of pure driven ambition, gone. I had to be a chameleon again and figure out my surroundings.

I did very well this semester 4.0.  Two more semesters to go. Plan in place to be enacted. Side plans if made plan doesn't work.

2012 was amazing filled with amazing opportunities and many blessings. In 2012, I wasn't job searching. I had a very good job. I made some very good friends. I got to travel to Bangladesh and Dominican Republic. I moved to some place I've always dreamed of living. I lived with someone that I always wanted to live with. (I'm just ticking things off my life list). I got into a master's program. I am succeeding a master's program. I am meeting new people. I am getting along. I will make it.

It's funny my whole life I have been surrounded by people that were quite a bit older than me. I like being the young one :) For the first time in my life, I realized uh, oh I'm moving into the older person slot, and as the people older than me enjoy family slots, no longer doing single girl stuff. I can dig it, and only pray I get the same opportunity. With a ring....(hey...while I'm asking I might as well ask.)

I can hear my biological clock ticking and it is saying baby, stability, security, home. So I know what I have in the plan 12 months from now. The quest for that.

This is my first time in three years that I will not be spending the holidays with a certain man. There is a feeling of loneliness that is simply a lack of connectivity of having my parents, family AND a loved one not there this year, but I realize I have my parents and family, what if I couldn't say that?
There always 12 months from now.

So there in 7 neat paragraphs, do you see my past, my present, and my future. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

Baracking the VOTE!!!

I am currently in a US- changing, world changing, life changing event: the presidental election! As votes get tallied and numbers are added up, millions of Americans are waiting with bated breath, either at parties or in their own homes to see if the person they voted for will win. Oh yes, they voted, everyone was overwhelmed by important American citizens felt to vote for this election...I think the message was heard! I can't even look at Facebook feed, because all that I see is election stuff (some nice, some not-so-nice and some funny) But we believe. There are a lot of prayers happening right now. I have to say I feel a warm feeling inside that lets me know that everything will be okay. BUT HOW POWERFUL, how amazing this moment is in time! Can you believe it?


#teamBarack2012

When in Rome, do as the Romans are doing...

I'm having a problem. Shhh, I know we are traditionally supposed to hold problems and opinions close so no one can judge, but believe me it feels so much better and I able to think about it more when I am writing it, in public so I am held accountable. And years from now I can look back and see how silly, how immature.

I moved to North Carolina, it's no secret I have always wanted to live here! I used to visit all the time and I always had a good time. Ahhh lesson grasshopper: Just because it is a good place to visit doesn't mean that it would be a good lesson to live. Before you assume I will bang on NC, I won't. It's beautiful, fulled with nice, beautiful people, good food, family oriented, men looking for women for relationships, lots of good schools that breed lots of intelligent people.

Ahhh so what's the problem you ask? I am struck by something a very smart friend once told me. We were both living in Costa Rica at the time, and me open-mouthed, had never seen anything quite like the beauty of it. I exclaimed, "Isn't it the greatest?" His face told me, he didn't want to let me down, but he wasn't going to lie. "Costa Rica, certainly is beautiful," he starts, "but I am just came from Brazil and am from the islands of Trinidad....and boy that is amazing."

And I realized that everything is relative experiences. If I would have moved to NC, right after living in Roanoke, VA or even Richmond, I know I would have thought that this was the greatest most impressive place, a definite step-up! But me, with my far reaching thoughts, my bold try anything once, moved to Washington DC, a place that was fully out of my reach, range, and by all means should have torn me up and spit me out, but in reality, I only got a little bruised. And now I wanna get back on the bull, I never thought I would want that even up until early last spring. But part of being older, I'm seeing that though I have a loose plan, maturity is causing me to reaccess many of my plans. (moving, travelling job, adult relationships, marriage, even babies).

My life is changing in every moment and I am just along for the ride.

Now back to my problem. I don't think that I am being very nice. Now it is no secret that I don't do well with ignorant  or stupid people. OR worse unambitious or lazy people. And so when I see them I just steer clear. I recognize that it is very hard to find the small group of people that are similar to you and fully realize that it may take a year or two to find them, so don't alienate anyone or you'll be alone. Well, I must be getting older, because I struggle to care, I struggle to stay relevant to them, and all I can do is smile. Maybe I'm getting more shy, but I don't think that's it. I've lived in some many countries and so many areas that I know to be respectful, to learn their way to do things, but why don't I care. I just want to work hard, get my degree and go back and make a mark.

Why can't I just do like the Romans>?!?

A much needed ray of sunshine

Blessed I received a stipend to attend a conference in Florida last week. I got the opportunity to be around some of the greatest, nicest, generous minds in the Management Ph.D world. Everyone I was around was a Ph.D, striving to be a Ph. D, or wanted to be a Ph. D.  Why was there? Hey haters, everyone knows that W&M teaches you to strive for excellence...and I helped coordinate it (just a little bit). The people were amazing, the seminars and information~ fantastic, the interested students~ fascinating.

And I met someone. Now wait, wait wait. I'm not putting too much into it. Just a man that expressed interest, asked to do some of my favorite things, walks on the beach, and homemade ice cream. It was a breath of fresh air, a ray of much needed sunshine. I'm not going to lie, it has been a while since I had a good healthy date. And it's possible that my confidence has been taking a hit. If no one tells you that your worth something that you are attractive that you are a catch, you start believing it a bit. And unfortunately between some of my former attractions, I've been called worse. Now I knew it wasn't true but every now and then it is nice to hear the good things. Now even if I never hear from or see this man again, I thank him for his positivity.  It strengthens my faith that God has an amazing plan for me (besides educational/career!)

 

I knew you weren't from around here

"Ha, the first time I saw you....I knew you weren't from around here, who wears a sundress to the club? I said to myself either she is new here or she is visiting someone. Man, I'm so happy that you walked in here today not dressed like that anymore."

Ha, can you believe a guy actually said this statement to me. He said it as a compliment. I look better now than I did. He also says things like "you don't look like you'd be the type to wear sneakers."

What?!?! Now there are people who like to wear sneakers really. I want shoes lol who cares what they are. (only in my opinion, i know some people are die hards)

I have been a non-conformist as long as I can remember, and when he said that comment, how I don't look like everyone else I wanted to scream. The scream would have been something like "You really think I'm worried about what you all wear down here, and want to dress like everybody else?"

But I shrugged it off, who cares about his opinion really, now if this opinion came from somebody I thought was important like the fashion designer Mikasa La'Charles, for example....maybe I would re-look at my "fashion sense."

I was looking through the Essence website at hot looks from DC (I think howard's hc) and I absolutely love noticing that no one looks alike! No one has the same style, no one has on the same colors or earrings, or anything. And I think it looks amazing. Let's all have our own style, our own look that we can bring to enhance fashion, to enhance life you know!

Flavor, individuality, different, = beauty!

I mean I rocked a sundress everyday over the summer like I was headed to the beach instead of a concrete jungle and an office with no windows.


Be fly! Happy Homecoming, Halloween and happiness!

Check out the pics below!

http://photos.essence.com/galleries/street-style-hair-howard-universitys-homecoming


 

Be a responsible citizen and vote.

YAY! I voted yesterday and it felt great! It is so important to take the time (and it did not take long) and be a part of a decision that affects you. Now I know people are getting a bit feudish about what side they are on, getting rid of friends momentarily because they are not on the same side of the vote, but in my opinion that is silly. NOW, the people you have the right to be bothered by or at least the ones I bothered by, are the ones who thinks its funny to talk about how they aren't gonna vote. AND SAY IT ALOUD! really!! Why would you be so stupid to be proud of that decision. It's sad really, and also sad because there is no excuse for it. I pretty much have to let you out of my life at that point. Truly, others things that bug me to no in is the "I don't know how I graduated from college"* laugh....i literally shudder and other things were people sound like they are proud of being dumb.

DO NOT BE DUMB, GET OUT AND VOTE, (do it early if your state does....NC does :)

*if you are older and successful when you say this, the sting is less, but don't waste education, it is so expensive!

Is the days of "dates" dead?

I had the most interesting conversation after about the men asking women on dates. I had been thinking in my own personal life, it had been a minute since a man asked me out on a date. Now I know that it is the recession, men don't have enough extra cheddar to be taking these women out. But do you think that is it?

Do you think it is possible that men aren't taking women out because not all women require it anymore? Sure, there are "traditional"* girls who still want a man to be respectful, ask them out, get to know them, but then there are others, who don't mind just hanging out at his house until hanging out at his house turns into hanging out in his bedroom.

FIRST and FOREMOST, no judgment. I'm not saying that sometimes that doesn't happen to the traditional girl as well, but all the time....uh, no.

So I went to my leading guy in doing everything he can to avoid being in a relationship/avoid having someone who can call him "hers"...Boo! Yes, I still talk to Boo. Yes, he still talks to me freely about everything and patiently answers all my questions. Yes, sometimes I get on his last nerve with my need for a fairy tale love and relationship, and he gets on my nerves talking about if you don't have to try, then why try stories. But deep somewhere, it works (or maybe it doesn't and I ignore it....(sings Nobody's perfect....))

Naturally Beautiful Me (as Reporter): Boo, when is the last time that you have taken a girl on a date to get to know her?

Boo: Uhhh, you, 2009.

Me: What are you serious? I was your last date? But I'm assuming this hasn't affected you meeting women...

Boo: Not at all.

Men are still getting exactly what they want...Date or no date. And where are women? Well, the ones who stand up for what is right, are out of luck.... [of course in the fairy tale, they wait patiently and then "the one" asks them out and it works happily ever after] The ones who go to their house and hangout...well they get something, too.... just not a date.

 Can we change men's behavior? LOL my only advice, is in the words of Tracey Jordan from 30 Rock, "Stop eating french fries out of the trash, have some respect pigeon, don't you know you can fly?"   
LOL, let me paraphase, Have some respect women, don't you know that we deserve better and if we all demand it, we will get it. (lets form a union).

 

Black positivity on TV!

Naturally Beautiful Me has always had a love for seeing Black positivity. Every movie (I never got to a blog about The Beasts of The Southern Wild, but Oh LORD! If I would have), every post on a blog, every television show, every actress, every book that showcased Black people showed in a positive manner, I was going to see it, have it, get it!

So check out Steel Magnolias, with 99.9% of all my favorite positive women in media (Congratulations to them for having so many viewers! I hope Lifetime realizes there is an untapped viewers Black women, my age who want to see positive displays of sisterhood)

From Essence:
http://www.essence.com/2012/10/09/steel-magnolias-breaks-lifetime-ratings-records

 I also enjoyed the Carlina White Story that came on after it on lifetime. I think KeKe Palmer is amazing.

http://www.channelguidemagblog.com/index.php/2012/10/04/abducted-the-carlina-white-story-lifetime/

Also to Shonda Rhimes, still keeping us thrilled with Grey's Anatomy and Scandal!


And to Shonda, who had the good sense to pair with one of my favs!! Issa Rae, so one of her shows will make it to the tv screen. Check it out here
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/02/shonda-rhimes-issa-rae-abc-comedy-series_n_1932515.html


I am so excited and happy! keep up the good work!
 

Dont' worry

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Jesus Christ.

Phillipians 4:6-7

Blog in-Review

After hearing some "grumble, grumbles" about my possibly negative notes on my blog, I took a bit of time and went through a lot of my blog posts. I was extremely happy in hearing my voice, hearing myself take a stance on certain things, understanding my emotions at different parts of the year, feeling my highs and lows, and knowing that I was always trying. Now that I have a bit more time on my hand, I will do all those things that I said that I would do if I have time. This time will not go to waste.

But I also saw a lot of hurt, a lot of pain for awhile, but I also see the emergence of something stronger. I see a lot about  Boo, a lot about Ex, a lot of friends, and lots of lots of Naturally Beautiful's positive praise, growth, pointed opinions, Black love and other things she falls in love with.

I want to keep writing to get a snapshot of my life, my true feelings, my hurt, my pains, my triumphs, my travels, and my true loves.

 Cheers~!

Goal setting theory: Finding like-minded individuals in NC

I have been learning a lot, a lot, a lot in my MBA classes, it is great for ambition to learn all about goal setting, developing your brand, and getting what you want from yourself and for others.

So I've decided to take some apply it to the real world. Goal setting theory, is the theory that you will be more successful with an explicit goal, rather than a vague do your best.

MY first personal goal for moving to a new area is to meet likeminded individuals. One of my greatest adjustments to moving to a new place is finding people who value what I value, like to do things that I like, and genuinely care and want to be my friends. I know it takes awhile, but step one is to find people. So that is what I am doing.

Finding groups, volunteer activities, and more people like me.

Wish me luck!

Two words to describe my experience in MBA program so far: ubiquitous and stochastic.

Ubquitious and Stochastic.

Two words that I hear almost every single day in my MBA program. Oh and discover your brand, but that another topic for another blog.

For those of you who don't have your dictionaries out here it is

ubiquitous: all-encompassing,seeming to be everywhere at once, omnipresent.

stochastic: random, varying

I have heard both words in a variety of classes on a variety of topics, from the mouths of many Ph.D professors. This could be about brand management, marketing, operations management, economy of business decisions, it is well ubiquitous. And I sat up late one night, (many nights) I realized with a jump, my MBA program is both ubiquitous and stochastic. Why you ask? Well everything we learn about in class, has real life applications and so in every point of my day, I know what business school would tell me to do about meeting someone, business school would tell me how to tackle a busy schedule, or homework, or even friendship. Now, this information is worth every penny (and believe me it's a lot of pennies) but I do feel like I am receiving a leg up from other employees in the business world. And so my MBA learning is ubiquitious.

Stay with me now. The crazy great part of the program is in life you work a "8:30-5", you know sometimes you will be busy and sometimes you won't be as busy, but have you ever tested the limits? Do you know exactly how much you can achieve? Do you know what stress will cause you to break down? Could you do a paper, a test, prepare two cases, and two articles all for one 3 hour class? Would you still be prepared for the next class? What are your limits?

So now we've come to the stochastic part. Sometimes there will be a week where there is nothing due, you look at your organizer over and over incredulously looking for what you missed, but nothing is there. But then you have weeks were you are not sure if it will ever end. You have so much stuff to complete and on a deadline. You're not even sure that you will make it. But you do. Stochastic.

Can you handle extreme variation, can you handle something that may change the core of how you live your everyday life? Can you take the MBA program?

 

When the Ex calls

 When the ex calls, it's like clockwork on deja vu. You vaguely remember this happening before, yet your heart is so happy, you block it out. The Essence Matchmaker once wrote about the man who calls his ex to tell her she was right, he never should have left her, ignored her, hurt her, stole from her, etc. (You get the picture...) But the real reason he called his ex is just to see if he could still get with her. Women moan and lament over it, why play with my heart strings?

Simple answer ladies, his ego.

I wish sometimes I would be smart enough to mark when it begins on my calendar like it's that horrible time of the month (isn't it though?)

This time when it happened he brought along to the story a intercontinental relationship with a girl that he hasn't seen or gone out with in years. He's coming to visit her, but he wonders if he could come and see me too.

My heart considers it, toys with the idea, perhaps even sinks back to the good times of a good man that loves you and understands you and is there for you forever. I listen to my girls complain about the ways their men or ex-men treat them, and he sounds even better.

But then your mind taps your heart on the shoulder, WAKE UP idiot, think about this in real time. And so you stop and think, you, your heart, and mind, all in one accord.

And you realize he's not asking for love, relationship, or forever, so you tell him it's not going to happen, but we can be friends. And then the "when you wake up" calls and the "before you go to bed" calls, the nightly skype sessions, and the "are you busy" text messages cease almost immediately.

So you mark your calendar that it's done, frown and wait for its return. 

Me-In transition

Hi Loves,

It has been a bit of time and I just haven't had the chance nor have I been driven to write here. I secretly wonder all the time if this is going to be over, but so often I see that I'm needed. I am the mentor, I am the role model so that you can nod your head and feel the same way about what I am typing. And hopefully, what I am typing is what you are going through in your life, or what you just went through, or what you are about to go through. Wow, just imagine!!

I have gone through a lot since my last post, I finished working, took two summer courses in a week (eee!), went to visit my grandfather, who passed the next day, have been a barrel of emotions, did not sleep for days, and ended up in my new home, where I slept for days, then started school, and have been running around ever since. Today, I feel happy relieved and my own self for the first time in one month (my last day at work!) I am back to my Type B personality and have been working to organize myself and get ahead. I am so blessed, and I know God's will and his mercy shines upon me. So it's time to get it together. I have had so many thoughts for posts, but my brain was spinning, spinning so......

I love all of my closest friends who have been part of my life and will be part of my life for the next 9 years. :)

Kisses. Naturally Beautiful me, MBA candidate :)

I won't go back

A Clarity of Purpose

Though slightly dreading the days leading up to this, I am now on Day 3 of a Fast. I am still eating fruits/vegetables/legumes/brown rice/pasta and water, and I just recently phased out yogurt from my personal fast options.

Question 1 from everyone: Why are you fasting?

My church home MtZionBaptist in Arlington VA has undergone many changes in 2012, much like me, they have been displaced while making their church bigger and better, which will happen on Aug 5th, which coincedentially, concides with my last weekend in Washington DC area. The Pastor challenged us not to come back the same way we left and asked us to join him in a fast of at least 7 days, but at most 21 days.

Since I will be becoming a better me in a short time, and only had excuses why I wouldn't, I joined for 7 days, 14 possibly.

I was reading what one girl wrote about fasting and juice diets (which I might move to next) and she mentioned a clarity of purpose, clarity of skin and energy of life. And truly it is amazing how much hunger is a bit of a mind game. Beside day one when I had a light headache, I haven't been crazy hungry, septible to cravings (yet)!, I do still smell stuff and want it. It keeps me busy, keeps me in the right mind frame to get work done, keeps my mind so clear without fats, alcohol or caffeine to junk it up, and it also keeps me from going out as much. Mind you if I can't eat or drink, you only have me around for conversation. What fun is that? I'm fun.

But this will keep me to my next most important thing, finishing my prereqs before school starts....
And I think God has already blessed me, shortened work days, fun work days, and possible a place to stay!

Blessed :)

Similiar values

As I'm going through interviews to replace my position as well as another position, I'm realizing that no one at the table shares the same values as me. It is amazing that we were able to get along this long without our differences coming into place. I have gone to shop with them, watched them drop 200$ on one item without batting an eye. I've travelled to different countries with them. And today I've heard them say ridiculous things about why they wouldn't hire someone that align with exactly the person I am. Gosh, how the heck did I get hired. It makes almost no sense. I have nothing that they are looking for, but must be exactly what they needed, maybe even exactly what I needed, to succeed be a better person, but knowing who I didn't want to be.

At 27, from how/where I grew up, I should be looking to buy a house by now, outside of some small city, in a suburb. I should have a regular boyfriend maybe one that I'm hinting that I'm ready for marriage. Still active, still young, my subconscience is moving me to these things. DC is def not a place where I will be buying anything, or hinting to anyone. I'm blessed to leave to follow my traditional values, but I will definitely miss this place. When I leave the area, I hear people talk about this place as a vacation spot, a place to visit, and it makes me smile, I live here. I do that stuff all the time, there are always forty-leven things going on, for free, people to see places to visit, but I think Charlotte will be like that too. AND for cheaper.

L. O. V. E.

I have always needed too much love. I have terrific psychological reasons (explanations for this chase I do to fill my lovecup with both boys and girls). I don't want everyone to love me or to be popular, I just want 1, 2 or 3 people to love me fully. When it happens (just a few weeks ago, it did), it is amazing, nothing can replace it, but when it starts to fade (at least this time, maybe always) I feel myself grasping for anyone that can make it last. And that is when the problems start. That is how the mess shoves it way back into my life. And depending on how long I let it exist, it may make or break me. As of today, it is gone.

I am a bit of a romantic. Wait...not a bit. Imma sucker for romance. I love all those thinking of yous, call to talk, just cause gifts. And I love to give them back if he's worthy. I has been only 7 months since I had a BF. Not a longtime considering but def longer than any other time in my life. Is this time for the big slow down will less men be knocking on my door trying to thrill me, romantize me, love me?

Who knows? I won't even dwell on that.
I have gone out with/hung out with 3 guys from DC (A huge NO!) who altogether would equal less than 1/2 of a person, such an ugly waste of my time, but I have been so in love, so in need of attention that I gave too much of my greatness (time!) to them and almost fell in lust with one. I t was so bad that when I met up with one of them, I wanted to walk run away immediately, I almost asked him if he could just end it as soon as we saw each other. I should have just left. The night just got worse from there.
How did all this happen? It wasall because of one guy.(not one of the three losers) A man unlike me, but a lot like me too, reminded me of someone, cared. He was generally a good guy, was there to hang out with me. numerous times a week, like to text, spoke to me on the phone, cared about changing the world, was available, was excited to hang out with me whenever we met,

And treated me right.

He changed my thoughts, gave me attention, and made me want to be better and do better.
And beautifully I realized, that it is not only possible, but he did it so simply....

Dealing with Grief

Though blessed in all of my days, it has come to the time of the year filled with hardships. My family and my close friends are all dealing with a lot, a lot of sad news. So overwhelming I see people dealing with it in many different ways, wearing sunglasses at all time, trying to overcompensate and do extra so they don't have to deal with the pain, trying to pretend like nothing is wrong, becoming fully unavailable to people who need their help.

Really? Is there even a right answer? The only thing that helps grief is time. Give the person time to come of out, but simply be supportive find a way to show that you are there for them. I personally like to revolve myself around positive things, but also sometimes I feel so bad, not being positive when everyone else is trying, so I generally just try to be alone.

My biggest fear is that I am the person who becomes fully unavailable, not emphatic, not caring. I'm not really sure how to show that. I do know text messages are the devil and I fully plan to employ in phone calls more often in my future.

<3 Just keep trying...and know that they're doing much better with God. 

Someone to come home to

I realized yesterday that I may be considered to be in my late 20s, or at the very least the last year of my mid-20s. Wow it has come to that I know a lot of women in their 30s to my age that are grinding hard, they get up early work from sunup to sundown, they come home late, rarely come to family functions, they are always busy, impressive, maybe taking extra jobs and extra classes.

But I know why, beyond the "success" that others see, we have nothing to come home to, we stay out because there is nothing at home waiting for us, we don't go to family functions cause it is just single no one to bring with us. You may see successful, but we only hear single.

Death

I've been running from or ignoring death for as long as I remember. Growing up people who died were people "I knew of: maybe spoke to, maybe had a moment with but didn't really remember. Funerals were fun times when family came together, ate, and got dressed up and went to church, besides the casket, it was just like a reunion. When people die, I don't know what to say to their loved one, nothing cliche' like it will get better, but mostly I say "I will pray for you."

In college two friends I was really close to died, but I lived out of the country both times, making it easy to distance myself and mourn in my own way. As we grow older, death gets closer and though I have a hard shell it is ready to crack at any moment. My tears threatening to spill over after the first bad or sad thought. So I run, I ignore, I distance myself, cause I don't know how to pull myself together after accepting that pain.

I'm not sure if I have the strength.

A Christian man that takes charge and leads

I was reading my favorite articles, Just Engaged on Essence.com, and I came across this....

When interviewed a woman asked how she would describe her future husband and she says,

"A Christian man that takes charge and leads"

And it clicked, though my list on what I want in a man is fluid, I realized that this was missing. And this was necessary. I hear you God.

I see your true colors shining through

Can I tell you something? I feel so good inside. I have had the most amazing opportunity something that maybe I didn't realize before, but I have met some really great true people, true friends. And it helped me realized how many fake friends I have been holding onto, giving my time, and space, wasting all my light on them. They could careless about me, sadly it was only when they were available, when I could offer them something, when I was paying or cooking, but you know what, I'm over it. I'd like to call and yell at each of them, how dare they waste my time, hurt my feelings, and such, (nope I'd still like to), but why waste any more energy on them. I have three/four people in my life, that every time I am around them I am filled with love, have a great time doing nothing, and don't have to impress anybody, pay for anybody, listen to their stories, offer them my body, and they still want to hang out with me! F the Boos, F the fake friends asking me to do something for them, I feel a change, and though for me, I sometimes feel so lonely, I take that fake pettiness. So through playing games.

From a man to his unborn (not even thought about) daughter

"Every word on love, I've ever written has been a subconscious dedication to your honor."

 I have this taped to my desk, and it is coming off. So to keep this beautiful quote forever, I thought share it on the blog. A man with no kids wrote this about he feels when he writes about love and how he does it for his unborn daughter. Beautiful

All Black cast of Steel Magnolias

Steel Magnolias is one of the best classic movies of all time. I still know some of the scenes, word for word, I love to pronounce words like Ouisier and stop every time that movie is on tv to have a good laugh and a good cry.

Yesterday they announced lifetime will come out with an all Black cast with the same exact storyline! These are some heavy-hitting actresses, Queen Latifah, Phylicia Rashad, Alfre Woodard, and Jill Scott.

I love supporting my black people and theses are some of my idols, but really I don't want to see it. I just kept picturing during the preview, this should be Dolly Parton speaking, this should be Sally Fields.

Oh man...

“Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

"We all have a limited amount of time and energy. Wisdom says to spend them both on productive people, not destructive ones."

WITHIN: Daily Devotional 6.28.2012

I think about this often in my life. When I see negative people, those that argue just to argue, be upset just to be upset, think everyone "is doing something against them", believe that they are being "tricked" if it doesn't work out the way they want it to be, and are forever trapped in this circle of unhappiness waiting for what is owed to them, and I get as far away as possible. I think everyday about one of my closest friends, who does such good, but has such a sour attitude and likes to talk about others and their problems/issues. Sometimes, I laugh (and feel bad) and other times, I give her this hard look like that is wrong. But then she'll go and do something amazing for someone else. I've be telling her to let go of that "mean stuff" so she can receive her blessings/destiny, and she shuts down on me, won't speak. It's ok, maybe God wants me to work on that one. I'll keep trying.

When I read the quote above, rebuke a wise man and he will love you, I can't help thinking about my grandma. Recently, God has put it on my heart to call my grandma, the only thing I was supposed to tell her was, "it's time to make some decisions." So I did, my grandma is going through a lot right now being the sole caregiver of my grandfather, who is not well. And I think that God knew that she would listen to me, not her daughters or others, who had an opinion on what she should do, but me. I hestitated for awhile to tell her the message, because I thought she would get mad at me for telling her what to do, I mean who am I but 40+ years younger than her, and I don't have a family or my life together. But she told me, she was grateful that I thought that I could talk to her like that, because it meant that we were really more than Grandma and granddaughter. My grandma has 11 other granddaughters, and none of them could talk to her so frankly. I love that woman. She has never once told me that I couldn't do something, even though she might have thought it :)

Be blessed today.

Why Women Can't Have it All

Just recently on the one of the hottest days ever, I convinced a sound judgment, good advice giving friend of my mine to eat lunch outside with me. After niceties, (I don't think I've seen her in forever, but there we were just like it was college all over again), our conversation turned to what I believe every single woman in her mid-upper 20's start thinking about. Career and family. That is what we working toward, how does it work and can we have both? Funny enough, the next day this article came out....and though  I love to fairytale glaze things, this article is the truth...check it out

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

All the Single Ladies

Wow I'm realizing that this The Atlantic magazine is pretty amazing and how lots of great articles/talented writers, that are in the same mental space as me, I will definitely keep my eyes out for future reads. The article below was actually reminscient of a conversation I had with my dad about last weekend. In his head, he says he wants me to be successful. He then names successful people in our family, all in their 30s with no families. I tell him I dont want that. He recoils and says I hope that you won't just settle. He tries to start sentences with "If you were a man"...or "I was able to have kids, work, and go to school at the same time", he gets cut off. None of those can apply to me. I'm not a man and he was able to do those things because my momma had us.

Really, we have been fooled into this idea that we deserve better and should have the opportunity to make our own choice, I won't just settle, but I also won't live with this improper thought that someone is not good enough for me. It is about weighing what you can deal with, and what you can't and finding someone that is that.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

Check it out.

Who knew that Bob Marley could be this poignant

I came across this great quote about relationships especially applying to my generation, who are waiting for the "perfect" one and it was penned by Bob Marley. Nice. Here it is below...more on love and relationships for our generation coming tomorrow.


“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley

How my friend got hit on....

This seriously made me laugh so hard when it happened.....

My friend and I were eating lunch outside, and had gathered our stuff to come back inside when we heard,

"Hey, Hey, did you guys get bit by mosquitos?'
My friend: ummm, no.
"Oh yea, we gonna build you a tent, so next time you're out here you won't get bit by mosquitos"
My friend: umm thanks sir.

and then we cracked up laughing......he's building us a tent, to keep the mosquitos away, Thanks....that will be nice...uh-huh.

Elle Varner, "So fly"

I have already written on here that I am definitely an Elle Varner fan, can't wait for her CD to come out soon, cause I think I will actually buy it. One of her singles is so very positive, very amazing about how she can be so fly, but she needs all these things, lipo, contacts, etc, but at the end, she decides that she is the definition of fly, and she's not going to believe the hype she hears. Great message, lyrics and video below!

"So Fly"

 I can't help being depressed
 When I look down at my chest
 Oh yes, my chest it might as well be nonexistent
 How can I ever compete With 34 double D's?

And I'm rollin my eyes
 When I look down at my thighs
 They might as well tape everything that I eat,
 To my legs.
 I am too broke for the knife
 Too lazy to excercise
 But if I had hazel eyes
 Maybe I could be fly.

If I had no cellulite
 Big breasts and pockets real wide
 Then maybe I
 Maybe I, I,
 I could be so fly.
 And if I had a small waist
 I'd make the boys go insane
 And maybe I
 Maybe I, I,
 I could be so fly.
 So fly [3x]

Now listen
 I've got a beautiful soul
 But only 4 people know
 They've known me since I was 10
 Beauty did not matter then.

Now that I'm 20 all that matters
 Is sex cars and money
 I ain't got none of the three
 So basically, I am invisible to all of the fellas
 And I sit at home jealous
 There was no golden ticket
 In my chocolate today.

And worst of all
 I'm reminded in the cruelest ways
 Of how I don't look and I should look
 And that's why I say...
 (Chorus)

So basically all I need
 Is to be everything but me
 Colored contacts
 Liposuction
 And breast implants
 Somehow that don't make much sense
 I must be out of my head
 If I think, that I am governed by material things.

So I decided I'm
 The definition of fly
 And if you want to know why
 I know what money can't buy
 Don't go believing the hype
 There's no runway in the sky
 And no way you could be fly
 Not if it costs you a dime.
(chorus)

Day 210: Give me one pure and holy passion

I looked up today and realized that I have not been engaged, not full of passion in a long time. When I am enlightened by something that my heart will start beating and I would feel a push to continue a push to keep going, a push to talk or speak to someone or join in on a conversation. Just to exclaim, that would be so fun, so exciting.

I used to love listening to this song that was actually a prayer asking, "Lord give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after You."

And to me this song is two-fold, Lord please give me a life ambition, please give me something to put my heart, soul, brain, and good work into, but also Lord allow me to follow You and to do your good will and work.

:)

Day 211: A look back: a year ago

In March 2011, I moved into my roommate's townhouse and told her I would only be staying with her 5 months until August when I would start school. A year and 3 months later, I am still living here. My life plan didn't go as planned. Though I 've known God my whole life, I never once though that perhaps the "plan" that I had for myself was not the plan that God has for me. I was ready for change, ready for "me, time", ready for now, impatient for my life to meet some invisible goal in competition with some 20 something business success person, that I pictured for myself.

But God had more to show me. In one year, he taught me patience, to follow His will, to listen for His cues on what to do next, gratefulness (after being jobless for 3 months), appreciation (for the job I did get and also for how good my previous job was), took me to Asia, gave me a job in an area, that I didn't know existed, allowed me to see different types of people, a different kind of DC, showed me people's true nature and so much more.

What an awesome God!

And now here I am again at the same point. I have a plan, but it wasn't my plan this time. I am following God's plan. I told my roommate again, I will be there until August. I got into school this time, and though I have no place and I'm not sure how I will pay for it, I won't worry (or I'll try not to), God has a plan. :)

This time, I will learn my lesson like Jonah in the Bible and follow God's Will.

Day 212: A good soul

After a long weekend, I found myself excited to talk to one of my work friends on my first day back. She came up to my desk and we began catching up, no work stuff, just life stuff, when one of my supervisors walked in with a folder of papers for me. He walked up, handed it to me and spoke about what it was. My friend smiled and excused herself.

My supervisor, horrified, that he interupted us, tried to stop her from leaving by reaching out for her, but missed her. He apologized to me, and look distraught that he had interrupted us. I told him it was ok, she was just stopping by my desk on a way to another room.

Let me stop and say this supervisor, is a quiet very nice man from Ethiopia, very mannerable, and a good soul.

He went to catch up to my friend, apologized and hugged her. When she got back to her desk, he had sent her a $10 giftcard to Starbucks. My friend went and told him that he didn't have to do that. People interrupt us talking all the time, assuming they have something more important to say. They walk in and begin talking, sometimes over us, sometimes for so long my friend has to leave. And he simply said, "I don't."

She and I spent a lot of time thinking about that (for days actually). We are so used to people being rude, interrupting, thinking their time is more important than ours, that when someone apologizes for the behavior we are almost on the defense. Why would they apologize, what ulterior motive do they have?

It was almost a breath of fresh air. A good person who actually cared.

A few days later when my main supervisor walked in and started talking over us, we exchanged knowing glances, at the special thing that we had witnessed previously.

Do something nice today! 

Day 213: When his daughter returned....

Hi, this is a piece I dabbled in a while back, and never tried to finish, or set to blogprint....but it's beautiful and its deserves light too.

When his daughter returned
        she only cooked,
            her eyes usually full of life
              were dull, her usually vibrant,
               funny personality, now quiet and subdued
             She would go hours without talking
                  he wondered what she saw in those
                      6 months she was gone, she had refused to say
                         once before
                            And now he could only wonder how bad it could be
                      How could he protect her when he didn't know what he was suppose to protect her from?

Day 214: In life, you give people chances...

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to expect nothing and then be happy when the person is pleasantly more than I expected. At the same time, I get in trouble for starting to expect things from friends, boyfriends, and family. These are the ones that should be willing to help, and they are often the ones who sadly disappoint me.

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, THEY DON'T!

I am so proud to be your friend, thanks for helping!!

Also to my friend finishing first grade on the fourth grade reading level, I am so proud of you!

And for friend organizing events to benefit the community, I am proud of you!


:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Day 215: A year from now: a look forward

As I sat on the train on my way, I wondered what I would be like a year from now?

Would I still avert my eyes from making eye contact on the train? Walk in a fast pace like I have somewhere to be?

Would I forever run up the left side of the escalator? Would I remain unphased when metro trains are filled so tightly you can't get in or out ? Or when traffic is bumper to bumper at 7am?

Would I know blink an eye when my drink bill is $10 a drink and that is the special?

Would I hesitate to visit my friend's house less than 5 miles away because it would take me 45 minutes to drive and park? Would I still be writing so many zeros on my rent check?

Or maybe I will speak to everyone I pass. I might sit outside and wave at all the Black people that drive past. I may walk like I have nowhere to go, not even bat an eye when my whole drink bill is $10. Go see my friends everyday.

But then maybe I will complain about the lack of intelligent, college educated people? I might wonder what I was going to do when there is absolutely nothing going on. I might wish for more options for jobs, or restaurants or activities. I might wish to live somewhere that was a huge mixing pot of people and cultures. I might miss being in a room with 25 different cultures for a meeting at my job. I might wish for a higher, paying job even though everything is so much cheaper.

I wonder who I will be in a year.....

DC-isms.....

Day 216: All the men I dated fled for international waters

Wow.

Pause. Really, though? Do I drive them away or what? The last three men that I dated are in Korea, Dubai, and "what he refers to as the desert"(starts with A-ends with -stan), respectfully. I would like to say that I choose men that aren't afraid to test boundaries, that they see me run free and do the same. Maybe I can say how blessed I am to live in a city that is so international that all their jobs took them there. I mean even I had a job that took me to that part of the world for awhile (Thank God, not for too long!)

I don't know maybe they ran. :) Ha.

It's pretty impossible to keep a relationship going when not only are you in different time zones, you are in different days.

I don't really have anything to say about this, but wow. that is almost amazing.

wonder what's going to happen to the next one. I'm not really interested in Asia, but if someone else leaves, I'm going with them!

Day 217: My fascination # 1

Okay,  I have a confession. I get excited for Wednesdays, not only because that is the day that Travelzoo comes out, but also because that is when Essence online, puts up the new Just Engaged and Bridal Bliss columns for the week. I love to see Black love, there is just something so great about seeing a Black man marry a Black woman. It just hope into my heart. Now before anyone screams out, "Racist!", that is not what I mean. Love and marriage in any shape, color, etc, is beautiful, important and should be cherished and celebrated. But there is just something about Black love. I see/hear about it so infrequently that it is almost a fairy tale. In fact in all the weddings I've been to in the last couple of years, only one has been Black love!

This is love that maybe I can obtain, that maybe it's not fairy tale, but a hope. Now I'm not picky. Like I told my male closest friend, I would marry any race as long as he has chocolate skin. Just a preference. For now, I will continue feeding my fascination by looking at Jet Magazines, Essence online, and asking everyone I know about Black couples getting married :) I know it happening somewhere.

Essence love columns:
http://www.essence.com/love/

Day 218: DC people talk: There is this *new* place called the Shenandoah Valley

The "new" thing/weekend activity for people in the DMV area is to go to the Shenandoah Valley to relax. I have now heard from three completely different people in DC about taking trips to Western VA to go camping, hiking, kayaking and other outdoor sport activities and to have a great simple weekend in the country. Have you heard of this place they ask me?

LOL try my life. Guess where I grew up close to? Well a little more to the west, the real mountains and real relaxed and beautiful, spectacular outdoors. Everyone is talking about it like it has never existed before, well maybe just not in their lives. Now I know how Native Americans felt when they met Christopher Columbus. OH, bother.....

Day 219: Sexy Lady (go-go remix)

I was driving home from the gym when "Sexy Lady" (go-go remix) came on. Immediately, my lips curl into a smile and I start dancing to the music. This song still reminds me of the good times from what seems like a world ago, from the first DC I met. This was to be my wedding song, my first "fun" song to dance to with a man I once thought would become my husband. When we first met, this song was the soundtrack for two broke kids in love with the National Mall and the Washington Monument as their background. (how Spike Lee). The song reminds me of our spring/summer together, when we were also together, always simple, dancing, singing, laughing. We would come home from work and walk to the track, I would walk as he begs me to run, and he would run while I would beg him to walk.

Welcome summer.

Clip below:

Day 220: My TV personality

Remember when there used to be all those magazine quizzes talking about "who is your tv personality?"

I was watching The Wonder Years (Yay Netflix!) and the oldest girl, I think her name is Karen, was a free wildchild that reminded me of me. She disappeared often, yelled at her parents about being close-minded, and dated a lot of men and dressed just like a hippie. I thought I'm like a Black "Karen", then I realized that would be Denise on the Cosby Show.

Growing up, I acted just like her, but also wanted to be just like her. (Just now realizing that I'm older than her now...sad day) I wanted to go Hillman, so I went to as close to the campus as I could. I wanted Dwayne Wayne to be my friend (uhhh have you ever seen pictures of my ex?). I wanted to have a big family, be a crazy fashion forward dresser, paint half my face, but not the other half.  I wanted to go to Africa, meet a military man, and get married on a hill with goat herders, and a ring of flowers in my hair. (Instead, I went to Honduras for Peace Corps, met a military man, and will still definitely do that marriage thing.) I went natural for Denise, wanted curls like Denise, went bohemian for Denise.

The only difference was I was definitely not dropping out of college, but like her I had so many interests beyond college that sometimes, I felt like I was zigzagging back and forth.

Here's to you Denise! Still trying to be like you! So fly.

Day 221: Is there really such a thing as an inside cat?

My roommate has a cat. The cat is an inside cat. He doesn't go outside. But he does sit in the windows and look longingly, but slightly scared when I open the door to leave. I think this cat wants to go outside. Who really wants to cooped up all the time? You know. I'm tempted. I won't, but if I had a little leash on something, I would sneak him outside. What's the worse that could happen? (one hundred bad things run through my head...)

Day 222: Have you ever gone on your ex's Facebook page to see who they dating now?

I mean, come on....Haven't we all done it at least once? If not, well dang kudos to you! I'm not even gonna lie, I have done it, maybe to more than one ex. Now mind you, I don't do it to the most current ex, now that can be painful, nope. I am more likely to do it to the one before the one before the one. What am I searching for? Never will anyone admit it, but don't you breathe a sigh of relief when the girl (or guy) is uglier than you? Or in someway less than you.

Whhhheeeeeewwwwww.....

I did it. Okay.

One time Facebook was so ridiculous, that I was able to see an ex of mine's wedding pictures, and he was not on facebook and we had no friends in common. (I was randomly friends with his best man at the wedding, who I never met before and probably friended him before he was a friend of my ex...that's the small world stuff that only happens in DC.) That is when I decided to start putting filters on my pictures.

LOL please use this time to say, your girl is crazy...... (This makes me wonder if any exes, read my blog...lol I'm not really Facebook friends with many exes, but if you do, send me a Facebook message)

Back to your regularly scheduled program....

Day 223: 50 shades of grey through my eyes...

I first heard about 50 shades of grey right after the Hunger Games trilogies, it was the next must read. Ooo...I heard about what it was about and all the rumors of page after page of gratuitous sex, and erotica.

So when I saw my aunt was reading it and she gushed over the whole series, she handed me one. So I picked up and read it.

My opinion???  that wasn't erotica, that was just sad, sadistic and wrong. How do they really try to make that a love story? Spoiler Alert: The story is about a billionaire that meets a virgin and tries to make her the submissive in his DOM/SUB relationship, because those are the only ones he does. And he keeps beating her and telling her that she will soon like it, and she keeps flipping out, because he is beating her (sexually). That is traumatic, can you imagine what your next relationship will be after him? Uhhhhhh.

I sent this exact paragraph to Boo, and though I won't share his response verbatim, he hinted that violence is also sexually attractive, and that this is just another way. I'm skeptical right now, but I understand his point. I also mentioned that I had read much better pieces of erotica if that is what is meant to be. He took it to some completely other place loll...because I mentioned that erotica by African American authors are better, and he said is that something we should really be proud of? Noted....

Will I read the other two? Probably not. Would I want to see the movie?  Probably not. Will I remember the characters name a week from now? Nope. But I did enjoy the relationship between Elliot and her roommate.

But Congratulations on the success of the author!

Day 224: If I had kids, I wouldn't be able to do any of that stuff...I'd rather have kids

Every now and then I have a talk with my dad about the accomplishments of families, friends, and roommates. I am always super proud and my dad is too! To hear of them getting better jobs, higher titles, more pay, more responsibilities and more travel, is a wonderful thing. It all seems to start to come together when they are in their 30s, single, no kids....suddenly they surge ahead. My dad always says that could happen to you. You are on your way to that level.

And I always devastate him. I don't want that if I have my choice, I want to be married with babies, and women who have babies and maternity leave, leaving early for children, not having their job as their first priority, they don't get ahead...they actually fall behind.

I'd love to have both...but if I choose...I want the husband and babies.

Day 225: Gossiping, complaining, and getting along with women

I was not in a good mood when I came back to work after a long vacation. Nope, nope, nope, my patience for BS was low and my smile was more like a sneer.

And boy did I have women friends that week. I think generally I am an upbeat person, sometimes I can complain, sometimes I am not happy, you know the usual. But often I don't complain enough to be part of the in-crowd of certain groups of women. You know the kind I'm talking about the pair of aunties who judge you when you are successful, criticize you dress, your kids, your husband, everything, whether things are going wrong or not.

And they generally have nothing going on, or are unhappy and trying others who are, misery loves company.

Well, I'm not going to miserable! Back to optimistic, blessed me!

Day 226: I can't wait until my hair is long enough to pineapple

Dear permies, straight hair, White people, Jewish people, etc,

You don't understand this, but it is when you put your curly hair at the top of your head at night or to work out (or anytime!), so your curls can stay for days. I see people are pineappling multiple knots for short hair....no...noo.....I want this kind. (below)

It is also the "in" look for girls these days.

Here is a visual below:

Day 227: Can we talk about the "B" word?

There are two words that make me shudder all the way down to my inner soul. You these words are wrong mostly because of the tone and malice that they are conveyed in. People try to dress both words up, make them acceptable in some form or even a term of endearment, I'm not buying it.

The "n" word and the "b" word.

I can't stand for either word to be said in my presence whether discussing people, positive or negative, and never towards me.

I recently asked someone to stop calling another person the "b" word malicely, and she called me a "goody two-shoes". Ha, does that still work? Nope, they knew they were wrong and now they felt the guilt.

I've been serving up guilt pie all week, hope it doesn't bite me back.

Day 228: You sir or madam, are almost 30 and living from paycheck to paycheck

Ahem* Cough**Loser**

Okay, something must be said for the person that I encounter far too often... the almost 30 year old living paycheck to paycheck. Now of course, I wouldn't blanket statement everyone, this is the the

"I've had a good job mostly since college, I am not paying for my student loans, I have no kids, or family that I am paying for but yet I'm surprised every 2 weeks when my bank account hits zero, I'm still trying to hang out with my friends who make the same amount as me, but ask to go to Taco Bell, because I don't have enough money for Panera.

EVER

Mind you I even know someone who pays nothing for rent, has no car, no car insurance, full access to free food, basically everything they are making pure profit and still get the red often.

What? Really? How?

And are the first people talking about oh no I have to save my money.

You sir or ma'am, are a LOSER!

Day 229: I almost scrapped this whole project

No, seriously I had been thinking about disbanding my blog for awhile, but someone would comment on it or someone telling to keep writing, someone asking me to discuss what was going on with one of my posts.

So I continued...

But when I returned from my month of trips (May), I wasn't in to it. Maybe I was still in relaxation/vacation mode, but I thought it was over.

So much so that I sent this email to my number 1 confidante/Boo/possible male mental equivalent, but like people say I think too much...he thinks too much.

But in the words of Awkward Black Girl, "he gets me."

This is actually what I said,
" i think the blog may be discontinued.....i know you will be disappointed. but i have achieved what i wanted, and what i thought i needed (a man) i know isnt going to happen anytime soon, at least not correctly, any more Girl Lisa will make her look like a ho, i don't even want to hear my opinion on things (or possibly I dont care to give my opinion) i just want to listen for awhile (which is how you are tasked with an email).."

And then it hit me, 10 unique thoughts for posts, and my cousin telling me she reads them. And so I will continue...

Now you will see a change. I will keep a number of posts, but may not always do them in chronological order, and I will change my purpose.

Day 230:Travelling on my birthday/where's the cake?

So I learned a lesson this year for the first time ever, I traveled on my birthday, not a short trip starting at 5 am, one layover, one delayed plane, one tropical storm, one long car ride from the airport, arriving at 7 pm, just wanting to eat and sleep, BIRTHDAY OVER....

Never again! People you know I love my bday, the best day for attention, ridiculous hats and the generous love of strangers.

And....getting a cake is a big deal for me. This is the first year that I got no cake (Lol remembering last year I had something like 50 cupcakes)

I want a cake, Dairy Queen ice cream cake preferably. I will be ready for next year.

What you gonna have? Cake

Day 231:Birthday week....day 8

Yea I know weeks only have 7 days, but so what? This is my world! For birthday day 8, I was greeted by this lovely sign at my desk, decorated with stickers and other beautiful things. Tonight, Im getting more cupcakes! yum, then driving to pick up my mom and sister at the train station...Tomorrow morning, I'm getting on the plane set, for food, drinks and sunshine in DR!

See ya on the other side!

Day 232: Birthday week....day 7

Moving right along, today my co-workers took me out for my bday celebration after work at Cafe Citron, and I got a pretty bday drink and some delicious food. Then I snuck off to Eastern Market to continue the party there...

day 233: Birthday week.....day 6

Day 6, I was full of energy! So I lead my co-workers to $1 smoothie deal, and we were almost first in line. It was a lot of fun and a good break from work.

That night I went out with my Manic Monday friend, for her birthday at U street, stayed out way past happy hour, and got a ride to all the way to my house!! (for people who don't do the DC to VA commute, this was huge and great!)

yum!

the crew's colorful smoothies!

Day 234:Birthday week....day 5

Ok, kids so day 5, I had to take a break...remember I just got back from a huge trip, I went home unpacked, chilled.

I did have a great sit down lunch with co-workers (a rare treat in a get it to go kinda world!)

So here's a pic of one of my bday dresses....yay

Sorry its sideways, too lazy to get it right....

Day 235: Birthday week....day 4

So true to form, my oldest craziest girlfriend and I went out to Manic Mondays, kicking off my shot a day of tequila habit, for the week. (ONLY THIS WEEK). I have no pics, but it was pretty....pretty ugly!

I also got froZENyo, with my co-workers!

Love it!!

Day 236:Birthday week posts....Day 3

Please believe, no birthday would be complete without an abundance of ice cream. So here is ice cream pic, numero uno, which was free!

I also got to see a very good friend from college but that pic is already on facebook!

look how happy I am!

Day 237: Birthday week posts...Day 2

On Day #2, Same friend and I went to see 5 Year Engagement starring my future husband (or hers) Jason Segel, and then I got a free meal at silver diner!!

So I got a Bison Burger with the kitchen sink....avocado, cheese, mushrooms, bacon, fried egg, everything!!!!

No idea why this pic is upside down.

Day 238: Birthday Week posts... day 1

Join me in celebrating my Birthday week, I did an activity a day and in some cases two or three. Had a great time so far!!! Here you go

Birthday #1: Went to Sweet Lobby, for my obsession with any cupcake with burnt marshmallow frosting....My friend and I got Sweet Potato (delicious!!!! especially the middle!), then hit up Eastern Market happy hour.

these are so yummy!

Day 239: The New Girl similiarities

On my long plane ride, I had the great opportunity to catch up on my tv viewing. I watched  some episodes of the new girl, cause I like Zooey Deschannel a lot, though the show is a little lacking, but there on during the singing in the beginning, IS MY FAVORITE DRESS IN RED!!!

I love that dress, and watching the episodes, i absolutely love her style, because it is just like mine. It I could wear a fitted body, flare skirt dress everyday of my life, I absolutely would.













Love :)

Day 240: The breakfast diet and other craziness

In literally 4 days, I will be booty up in the sand, at the beach, while generally I use this time to get ready to look amazing. I haven't once thought about it, I'm still trying to get acclimated to being back and then I'll leave. Since it was so crazy in Bangladesh, often we only had one time a day to eat, so at 7 or 8 am, we would wake up and attempt to consume an entire day's worth of calories in one setting (this is not hard..btw) and by the end of the day, hopefully we burned it all off.

We jokingly called this "the breakfast diet"

Then as you are travelling there is a very long 10-12 hour period that you don't eat, because you are usually sleeping. But since you're awake, you're still not hungry, so you are really not eating that very often.

We call this "the travel diet"

When you return from whatever country, it is hard (and maybe this is just for me) to go from unprocessed, natural food, to a more processed food like we have here, preservatives, etc. this causes all the food I eat to come back out/up fairly quickly. And then it causes me to hesitate before putting more food in my mouth, because I don't want that feeling again. I actually lost 18 lbs when I returned from Honduras.

I call this "the returning to the states diet"

And because I'm not overweight, but just kinda jiggly, I decided 200 crunches a day will fix that in time for Saturday morning.

I call this "how long did it take you to get a 6 pack"

And the whole silly diet thing, trust I don't believe in, which calls me to call this whole craziness

"How long did DJ just eat ice cubes?" diet

silliness ensues.

Day 241: My dream final boo

I learned lots of lessons after watching the 5 year engagement, but most of all I have decided what my dream final boo turned fiance turned husband will be like. I mean I have thought about looks, education, how he is with children, but here are some things that I have missed.

1. I want him to be charming. I want him to make me smile. Do things because he loves me. Surprise me with good things from time to time. Be thoughtful.

2. I want him to be a Chef. I mean really what if my man could cook. I mean, I can cook, but what if he could really cook......Yes please. (although wouldn't he have to work nights then? excuse me while I think about that one some more)

3. Our love affair (aka dating but doesn't love affair sound better) would last a year and then he would creatively get down on one knee. And we would go about our married lives together!

Just ponderings.

Day 241: Bday wishlist: Crazy wish number one!!

You know what I wish? I wish for one day, a good day, important day when every single person I know see me that I am dressed by Jill Scott's stylist and have my hair done by her hairdresser. please please?

In her new video, Blessed (possible it's just new to me, but off her latest album), I'm loving the way they accentuate her curves, play down her big breasts while still showing them off, show that she got a bit of an hourglass and give her funky fun outfits to wear.

Everyone who knows me, knows that I am the worst at putting outfits together....i'd rather just wear things that come together (matched sets like for children) or wear a dress...one piece no matching. I can't even do sweaters for matching.

Also her hair is fly and different in every single frame....The blatant product placement for Ouidad, almost made me wanna get some.

You know?

Day 242: Baby fever

So as women, or maybe it's just me and certain movies, I'm having a bit of baby fever. This is not the first time so I know exactly how to get rid of it, but it is amazing how as you get older you can start to hear your biological clock tick. I see babies and feel this little ache in my heart. I know I'm not quite ready, so I will do what I always do, go borrow someone's baby.

Have you ever tried this? It is perfect solution to wanting a baby, after at the most one weekend, you will happily cherish all your baby-free time. While they are cute, the feeling goes away, especially when you're tired.

So I'm off to find a cute baby that will make me not want a baby for at least another year.

:) Be blessed.

Day 243: Fabolous Friday's: A story of booship: the moment revealed

Things have been moving positively since that night they met in VA Beach, Ramon enjoyed her company so much after he came to her house for the first date, that he returned the next two night for subsequent dates. She was enthralled by him. His 6ft, 1inch body, the small twists on his head trying to turn into locs, his athletic shaped body, but most of all his mind. Girl Lisa never got with the traditional college students at her school, she found them boring and not real, she chose instead to find real guys, who have seen the world and lived life, those a bit older and a bit wilder than the"we study for 10 hours a day, and our parents gave us everything we ever needed" boys on campus. What she wanted was a man. And what she got, she thought, was a man, someone on his own, not having to answer to anyone, teaching her what it was like to be a young adult on your own. (Girl Lisa, always liked military men best, because they traveled, had money, and often only got to stay around for a pre-determined time.)

Girl Lisa and Ramon dated all the way through the summer of that year. They enjoyed going to movies together and going out to dinner. After exiting the theater one night, to see Transformers together, Ramon's phone rang. He answered and began talking to the person on the phone about the movie.

"Hey ma, guess what movie we just went to see? Transformers, it was taped down the street from where we lived, I actually recognized some of the sites. Who we? Mom, me and Girl Lisa. Yea, Girl Lisa, my girlfriend. Come on, ma, I told you that. Anyways, I gotta go. Yea, I call you back later. Bye"

Girl Lisa, looked at Ramon with a slightly open mouth, he had never called her his girlfriend before and he had no idea that he spoke at her before. He hardly told his mother anything, so this was big. And it felt oddly good, very reassuring, as he grabbed her hand to intertwine with his, she thought, maybe this just might be something good.

Something love-ly.

Day 244: Cleared my head

I'm so happy to have that brief respite that I had, it gave me a great chance to clear my head. I'm so excited that I will soon take a new venture in life, one that would possibly put me closer to people that I more closely identify with. Or I might be with idiots, and country hicks....either one...ugh.

As I return I will have like restaurants call a "soft opening", a soft return. Who is there really that I will miss? Who do I hang out with when I am there? Who actually cares? Hmm.... Yea.....

The babies. The kiddies will miss me. Maybe a couple girls, but really not much.

Who do I really want to see? There's really only one person and he's not here. And I'm not convinced if he was here, then I would want to see him. (He has his DC personality and his other personality.

Well, I will stop wasting time, and start preparing for the future.

:)

Day 245: Man in the Mirror

Though I wanted this to be on a chronological time frame, I have nothing absolutely nothing left to say about my trip. It was great,  I learned a lot, glad it happened, happy that I was there instead of going to work everyday, happy to be busy. Let's move on.

The flights home....well, I  just couldn't seem to get it together...ever...sleep/eat/water, none of it, I was very glad to touch down in DC.

One bright spot is I saw the movie "Joyful Noise" with Queen Latifah, Dolly Parton, and Keke Palmer, (who I loved since Akellah and the Bee such a positive person)*....it was the same story of the over protective mom, and singing in a choir, going from church hymns, to new fresh music to win the competition.

I'm all about Queen Latifah directed movies (she has done a lot Just Wright, The Holiday, the one where she thought she was dying and LL Cool J was her boo) mostly because, well at least they are positive stories and they are not Tyler Perry-movie bad. LOL I told my sister this and she said but all those movies were bad too.
Well, bad is relative. Anyways back to the movie.

I loved the singing, got wrapped up in the storyline, loved the guy (he was a good actor), didn't understand the cuss words (sigh, am I becoming my mother), especially loved my boo from Rent, and General Hospital looking yummy good as Queen Latifah's husband. (PS...this worked, I cringed every time I saw Common with her in Just Wright)

Then I realized....they didn't sing any gospel songs, what? What kind of gospel movie doesn't have any gospel songs....ugh let's move on.


* Who wrote/directed Akellah and the Bee and The Great Debaters? I need to send them a check to make some more movies....gosh.

Day 246: Things I haven't quite figured out in Asia

In my room is a water heater, you know it I want make tea in the middle of the night or early morning. This was one of my favorite, most important appliance in college so I was happy to see it. But….I can’t figure out how to use it. If I open it is there is a bare heating circle at the bottom, you can’t put water on that. (Right?) I put two dots of water, it was like putting it on a bare stove. So I looked to see do I heat it in the arms, is there someone where to put the water….nooo. No tea for me L

The other thing is next to toilet in the bathroom. I know once again exactly what it does, but I wonder how it works (but never would try it). There is a sprayer like in your kitchen to spray off your dishes next to the toilet. You know to spray off your bottom. LOL! But as I am looking at it, I am really wondering how? How do you spray it and not get it on your pants? Do you sit and then put it underneath you? Take your pants off?  After you spray to you use toilet paper? Wouldn’t it get stuck? Perhaps a towel? Wouldn’t it be gross? Generally at this point, I leave that bathroom and ignore it. But sometimes I wonder.

Today, I met a freshwater pearl dealer that made necklaces. He was great the pearls were about $6 dollars a strand and you got a free pair of earrings that he took off of the necklace so they match. Now everyone was looking like “come on, are these real?” So the guy attempted to burn them, attempted to slice them, and finally a guy asked if he could bite it and the guy let him. This guy rolled the pearl around in his mouth and tried to bite it several times, before he spit it out and put it back on the table… (Picture me side-eyeing the table) How many people has he let do that!?!

Ugh gross.

LOL. All in all I absolutely positively like my visit in Asia. How amazing it is whenever you go somewhere that is different culturally, internationally, you learn so much, it is amazing. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.

Tip my hat. Until tomorrow.

Day 247: The completion of Boo and Me

Boo is gone…for a while….a—while. I knew it all along so it wasn’t a surprise to me. (I have a hard time dealing with surprise disappearances these days, go figure)

He said something really prophetic our last time hanging out together, he said “I never wanted to put you back in the position, that I “rescued” you from.”

I really leaned back and thought about that. In essence it is true, but he didn’t hurt me when he left. I was never hurt or bothered when BF left either; it was when he disappeared that crushed my spirit and my hopes. Boo couldn’t do that to me. I was never trying to build a life with Boo. I didn’t hear from him everyday about our future together, how we would be closer together during the separation, how he wanted me beside him, that we should marry immediately, that he would call for me after three months how often visits would happen.  Oh, but this isn’t about EX-him. Back to Boo.

The only thing I have to say about our untimely ending is just how untimely it was. I appreciate the time he made for me, especially when he would often not ,but our brains were stressed, elsewhere, not focused on each other, on that special feeling that we feel when we are together, “my glow” and his “screw/boo/smirk/smile” face.

We came together, last minute, a busy night, with uneasy feelings and watched a movie that magnified our uneasy feelings. I wanted to clear my head, enjoy the feelings, hold him, laugh easily, stand on my tiptoes and kiss his lips over and over and over.

It didn’t happen. By the time I felt like myself, he was gone, selfish, deciding to leave with a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe he was right. What bothered me the most was as usual, how left out I felt, all decisions were made by him, it was never what we wanted. A lesson I left alone.

I never knew what he wanted from our boo-ness, never knew how he felt, never heard him say his feelings about me. A lesson I left alone.

I heard from him recently. I asked him not to before we left, said I enjoyed our time, and hoped to never hear from again. It was supposed to be a moment in time. He ignored me.

It was only supposed to be a moment in time.