“Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8).

"We all have a limited amount of time and energy. Wisdom says to spend them both on productive people, not destructive ones."

WITHIN: Daily Devotional 6.28.2012

I think about this often in my life. When I see negative people, those that argue just to argue, be upset just to be upset, think everyone "is doing something against them", believe that they are being "tricked" if it doesn't work out the way they want it to be, and are forever trapped in this circle of unhappiness waiting for what is owed to them, and I get as far away as possible. I think everyday about one of my closest friends, who does such good, but has such a sour attitude and likes to talk about others and their problems/issues. Sometimes, I laugh (and feel bad) and other times, I give her this hard look like that is wrong. But then she'll go and do something amazing for someone else. I've be telling her to let go of that "mean stuff" so she can receive her blessings/destiny, and she shuts down on me, won't speak. It's ok, maybe God wants me to work on that one. I'll keep trying.

When I read the quote above, rebuke a wise man and he will love you, I can't help thinking about my grandma. Recently, God has put it on my heart to call my grandma, the only thing I was supposed to tell her was, "it's time to make some decisions." So I did, my grandma is going through a lot right now being the sole caregiver of my grandfather, who is not well. And I think that God knew that she would listen to me, not her daughters or others, who had an opinion on what she should do, but me. I hestitated for awhile to tell her the message, because I thought she would get mad at me for telling her what to do, I mean who am I but 40+ years younger than her, and I don't have a family or my life together. But she told me, she was grateful that I thought that I could talk to her like that, because it meant that we were really more than Grandma and granddaughter. My grandma has 11 other granddaughters, and none of them could talk to her so frankly. I love that woman. She has never once told me that I couldn't do something, even though she might have thought it :)

Be blessed today.

Why Women Can't Have it All

Just recently on the one of the hottest days ever, I convinced a sound judgment, good advice giving friend of my mine to eat lunch outside with me. After niceties, (I don't think I've seen her in forever, but there we were just like it was college all over again), our conversation turned to what I believe every single woman in her mid-upper 20's start thinking about. Career and family. That is what we working toward, how does it work and can we have both? Funny enough, the next day this article came out....and though  I love to fairytale glaze things, this article is the truth...check it out

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

All the Single Ladies

Wow I'm realizing that this The Atlantic magazine is pretty amazing and how lots of great articles/talented writers, that are in the same mental space as me, I will definitely keep my eyes out for future reads. The article below was actually reminscient of a conversation I had with my dad about last weekend. In his head, he says he wants me to be successful. He then names successful people in our family, all in their 30s with no families. I tell him I dont want that. He recoils and says I hope that you won't just settle. He tries to start sentences with "If you were a man"...or "I was able to have kids, work, and go to school at the same time", he gets cut off. None of those can apply to me. I'm not a man and he was able to do those things because my momma had us.

Really, we have been fooled into this idea that we deserve better and should have the opportunity to make our own choice, I won't just settle, but I also won't live with this improper thought that someone is not good enough for me. It is about weighing what you can deal with, and what you can't and finding someone that is that.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

Check it out.

Who knew that Bob Marley could be this poignant

I came across this great quote about relationships especially applying to my generation, who are waiting for the "perfect" one and it was penned by Bob Marley. Nice. Here it is below...more on love and relationships for our generation coming tomorrow.


“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
― Bob Marley

How my friend got hit on....

This seriously made me laugh so hard when it happened.....

My friend and I were eating lunch outside, and had gathered our stuff to come back inside when we heard,

"Hey, Hey, did you guys get bit by mosquitos?'
My friend: ummm, no.
"Oh yea, we gonna build you a tent, so next time you're out here you won't get bit by mosquitos"
My friend: umm thanks sir.

and then we cracked up laughing......he's building us a tent, to keep the mosquitos away, Thanks....that will be nice...uh-huh.

Elle Varner, "So fly"

I have already written on here that I am definitely an Elle Varner fan, can't wait for her CD to come out soon, cause I think I will actually buy it. One of her singles is so very positive, very amazing about how she can be so fly, but she needs all these things, lipo, contacts, etc, but at the end, she decides that she is the definition of fly, and she's not going to believe the hype she hears. Great message, lyrics and video below!

"So Fly"

 I can't help being depressed
 When I look down at my chest
 Oh yes, my chest it might as well be nonexistent
 How can I ever compete With 34 double D's?

And I'm rollin my eyes
 When I look down at my thighs
 They might as well tape everything that I eat,
 To my legs.
 I am too broke for the knife
 Too lazy to excercise
 But if I had hazel eyes
 Maybe I could be fly.

If I had no cellulite
 Big breasts and pockets real wide
 Then maybe I
 Maybe I, I,
 I could be so fly.
 And if I had a small waist
 I'd make the boys go insane
 And maybe I
 Maybe I, I,
 I could be so fly.
 So fly [3x]

Now listen
 I've got a beautiful soul
 But only 4 people know
 They've known me since I was 10
 Beauty did not matter then.

Now that I'm 20 all that matters
 Is sex cars and money
 I ain't got none of the three
 So basically, I am invisible to all of the fellas
 And I sit at home jealous
 There was no golden ticket
 In my chocolate today.

And worst of all
 I'm reminded in the cruelest ways
 Of how I don't look and I should look
 And that's why I say...
 (Chorus)

So basically all I need
 Is to be everything but me
 Colored contacts
 Liposuction
 And breast implants
 Somehow that don't make much sense
 I must be out of my head
 If I think, that I am governed by material things.

So I decided I'm
 The definition of fly
 And if you want to know why
 I know what money can't buy
 Don't go believing the hype
 There's no runway in the sky
 And no way you could be fly
 Not if it costs you a dime.
(chorus)

Day 210: Give me one pure and holy passion

I looked up today and realized that I have not been engaged, not full of passion in a long time. When I am enlightened by something that my heart will start beating and I would feel a push to continue a push to keep going, a push to talk or speak to someone or join in on a conversation. Just to exclaim, that would be so fun, so exciting.

I used to love listening to this song that was actually a prayer asking, "Lord give me one pure and holy passion, give me one magnificent obsession, give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after You."

And to me this song is two-fold, Lord please give me a life ambition, please give me something to put my heart, soul, brain, and good work into, but also Lord allow me to follow You and to do your good will and work.

:)

Day 211: A look back: a year ago

In March 2011, I moved into my roommate's townhouse and told her I would only be staying with her 5 months until August when I would start school. A year and 3 months later, I am still living here. My life plan didn't go as planned. Though I 've known God my whole life, I never once though that perhaps the "plan" that I had for myself was not the plan that God has for me. I was ready for change, ready for "me, time", ready for now, impatient for my life to meet some invisible goal in competition with some 20 something business success person, that I pictured for myself.

But God had more to show me. In one year, he taught me patience, to follow His will, to listen for His cues on what to do next, gratefulness (after being jobless for 3 months), appreciation (for the job I did get and also for how good my previous job was), took me to Asia, gave me a job in an area, that I didn't know existed, allowed me to see different types of people, a different kind of DC, showed me people's true nature and so much more.

What an awesome God!

And now here I am again at the same point. I have a plan, but it wasn't my plan this time. I am following God's plan. I told my roommate again, I will be there until August. I got into school this time, and though I have no place and I'm not sure how I will pay for it, I won't worry (or I'll try not to), God has a plan. :)

This time, I will learn my lesson like Jonah in the Bible and follow God's Will.

Day 212: A good soul

After a long weekend, I found myself excited to talk to one of my work friends on my first day back. She came up to my desk and we began catching up, no work stuff, just life stuff, when one of my supervisors walked in with a folder of papers for me. He walked up, handed it to me and spoke about what it was. My friend smiled and excused herself.

My supervisor, horrified, that he interupted us, tried to stop her from leaving by reaching out for her, but missed her. He apologized to me, and look distraught that he had interrupted us. I told him it was ok, she was just stopping by my desk on a way to another room.

Let me stop and say this supervisor, is a quiet very nice man from Ethiopia, very mannerable, and a good soul.

He went to catch up to my friend, apologized and hugged her. When she got back to her desk, he had sent her a $10 giftcard to Starbucks. My friend went and told him that he didn't have to do that. People interrupt us talking all the time, assuming they have something more important to say. They walk in and begin talking, sometimes over us, sometimes for so long my friend has to leave. And he simply said, "I don't."

She and I spent a lot of time thinking about that (for days actually). We are so used to people being rude, interrupting, thinking their time is more important than ours, that when someone apologizes for the behavior we are almost on the defense. Why would they apologize, what ulterior motive do they have?

It was almost a breath of fresh air. A good person who actually cared.

A few days later when my main supervisor walked in and started talking over us, we exchanged knowing glances, at the special thing that we had witnessed previously.

Do something nice today! 

Day 213: When his daughter returned....

Hi, this is a piece I dabbled in a while back, and never tried to finish, or set to blogprint....but it's beautiful and its deserves light too.

When his daughter returned
        she only cooked,
            her eyes usually full of life
              were dull, her usually vibrant,
               funny personality, now quiet and subdued
             She would go hours without talking
                  he wondered what she saw in those
                      6 months she was gone, she had refused to say
                         once before
                            And now he could only wonder how bad it could be
                      How could he protect her when he didn't know what he was suppose to protect her from?

Day 214: In life, you give people chances...

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to expect nothing and then be happy when the person is pleasantly more than I expected. At the same time, I get in trouble for starting to expect things from friends, boyfriends, and family. These are the ones that should be willing to help, and they are often the ones who sadly disappoint me.

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, THEY DON'T!

I am so proud to be your friend, thanks for helping!!

Also to my friend finishing first grade on the fourth grade reading level, I am so proud of you!

And for friend organizing events to benefit the community, I am proud of you!


:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Day 215: A year from now: a look forward

As I sat on the train on my way, I wondered what I would be like a year from now?

Would I still avert my eyes from making eye contact on the train? Walk in a fast pace like I have somewhere to be?

Would I forever run up the left side of the escalator? Would I remain unphased when metro trains are filled so tightly you can't get in or out ? Or when traffic is bumper to bumper at 7am?

Would I know blink an eye when my drink bill is $10 a drink and that is the special?

Would I hesitate to visit my friend's house less than 5 miles away because it would take me 45 minutes to drive and park? Would I still be writing so many zeros on my rent check?

Or maybe I will speak to everyone I pass. I might sit outside and wave at all the Black people that drive past. I may walk like I have nowhere to go, not even bat an eye when my whole drink bill is $10. Go see my friends everyday.

But then maybe I will complain about the lack of intelligent, college educated people? I might wonder what I was going to do when there is absolutely nothing going on. I might wish for more options for jobs, or restaurants or activities. I might wish to live somewhere that was a huge mixing pot of people and cultures. I might miss being in a room with 25 different cultures for a meeting at my job. I might wish for a higher, paying job even though everything is so much cheaper.

I wonder who I will be in a year.....

DC-isms.....

Day 216: All the men I dated fled for international waters

Wow.

Pause. Really, though? Do I drive them away or what? The last three men that I dated are in Korea, Dubai, and "what he refers to as the desert"(starts with A-ends with -stan), respectfully. I would like to say that I choose men that aren't afraid to test boundaries, that they see me run free and do the same. Maybe I can say how blessed I am to live in a city that is so international that all their jobs took them there. I mean even I had a job that took me to that part of the world for awhile (Thank God, not for too long!)

I don't know maybe they ran. :) Ha.

It's pretty impossible to keep a relationship going when not only are you in different time zones, you are in different days.

I don't really have anything to say about this, but wow. that is almost amazing.

wonder what's going to happen to the next one. I'm not really interested in Asia, but if someone else leaves, I'm going with them!

Day 217: My fascination # 1

Okay,  I have a confession. I get excited for Wednesdays, not only because that is the day that Travelzoo comes out, but also because that is when Essence online, puts up the new Just Engaged and Bridal Bliss columns for the week. I love to see Black love, there is just something so great about seeing a Black man marry a Black woman. It just hope into my heart. Now before anyone screams out, "Racist!", that is not what I mean. Love and marriage in any shape, color, etc, is beautiful, important and should be cherished and celebrated. But there is just something about Black love. I see/hear about it so infrequently that it is almost a fairy tale. In fact in all the weddings I've been to in the last couple of years, only one has been Black love!

This is love that maybe I can obtain, that maybe it's not fairy tale, but a hope. Now I'm not picky. Like I told my male closest friend, I would marry any race as long as he has chocolate skin. Just a preference. For now, I will continue feeding my fascination by looking at Jet Magazines, Essence online, and asking everyone I know about Black couples getting married :) I know it happening somewhere.

Essence love columns:
http://www.essence.com/love/