To my most unconstructive year of my life...so far...

I should not complain one bit, one iota, because in my head this was always a plan. A break from working, overworking, overdoing, a chance to get an education, go full-time so I could concentrate, keep my head in the books and graduate with some latin letters on my degree (with highest honors anybody).

I like being busy always have, it keeps me sane, but I'm definitely at the point I haven't felt since Spring 2008, bored and unused. Now don't get me wrong, things aren't bad! School is going well, I'm meeting new people, but I spend every other day planning my eventual exit.

The Original Plan:
1.Be a fulltime student, work part-time focus on studies.
In reality, IM FOCUSED MANNNN. Love school, love learning. Wishing for more of a social life, I know, I know it will come. I have too much free time, but it's weird because it's not always, it just exists and I wish I had things to fill them. Yes, I've done all the cliche things that people suggests, I've gone to meet-ups, I've hung out with friends after class, I volunteered, volunteered, volunteered, I go to church events, I talk to strangers. But I still not used to having so much free time being by myself so often. Seriously, I get it all worked out finally in DC and moved away. Smart move, exlax.

2.Be a big fish in a smaller pond.
In DC, I was a regular size fish in a pond filled with those just like me. I've travelled abroad (all the fish said me too!) I went to a very competitive good school for undergrad (me too!), I'm Black (me too!), I'm willing to work hard I just need a break (me too!) I might as well scream out "All my life I had to fight" well, for space in pond and getting my voice heard in a drowning sea of "me too!" ...But at least others could relate to my plight, shared hair tips, earring guy suggestions, and the best markets to get stuff. I thought I needed a smaller pond, less people, more space, my accolades could shine more. Well, I got all that living here, but it almost feels like its too small, like a bathing suit that is too tight, I think over and over I gotta get out of this! I went out recently to a band playing and was amazed when I looked around at the small filled room, first thought...is this it? second thought...there's only one cute guy and he seemed to all the women (or wanted to), how is that possible. I can't compete. Also, maybe this is everywhere, but some of these men are so umm..compact. I do meet people like me, but so far they have all work in the same company...That seems a bit odd. All eggs one basket huh?

3. Get this degree and get out of here!
One of the reasons I chose the school that I am at is because they offer 18 month degrees that doesn't look as scary as two years, I could do that. Set my life up right so I can continue life in the fashion that I want to, with a graduate degree.

4. Check on the men in this part of the country, compare to men (lol) in DC.
Yea, so what...I wrote it. It was a goal. Noticed this section is written smaller, it was a smaller goal. The psychologist in me wanted to see if men were dating down here, if they wanted relationships, what the deal was. LOL all evidence currently is inconclusive, truthfully I haven't even really seriously met anyone here. No one real. No one I would think oh, yea that guy is cool, full of info, full of life. I haven't really met that many men over the age of 25. I can't find them, where are they...? I'm failing.

Dear Love, I have been missing you

Oh February, sweet February. How you stay on the cusp of spring...How you start to make things better, but have more mood swings than a woman that is PMSing. I actually do heart you....you mess up the schedule, got faster than expected, people want to kind start going out but instead find themselves waking up to 30 degree days, and realize they gotta still ride out this winter thang...

For those of us that didn't go into winter boo season with a boo, (i missed it!)...we sure don't have a boo now, but we still doing better than those that started with a boo, but ain't got one now.

It's probably no secret that I get the most views on my blog, when I writing about love, relationships, friends with benefits, crushes and more. Its also no secret, that except for my affinity for all things Black, positive and beautiful, there has been no love on here in a while! I believe the last time was early November, and I'm glad that I write when I'm on a high because that definitely did not end well!

I stopped pushing decided to get to know my surroundings a bit, figure out where I could fit in, and wait for that look. What look, you say? Well, it's been a minute since I got the look, but I still remember every moment of it and can replay it in my head. The moment a man looks at you, his eyes light up, its seems as if you are the only two people in the room, and as he approaches you, he makes no secret that he wants you. Everything he says is light and feathery, (or maybe that's just your head), and his innocent touches to whatever parts of your flesh that are not covered, brings electric surging through your body all the way to your toes. He is attractive too, in these scenarios he always is and this moment before you learn about him, when you can dream that he is your match, are perfect. He's perfect. You think about the way he kisses, you like how he cocks his head when he's thinking. You wonder if others around you see the sparks that are flying between the two of you and you can't wait to get back to your girl to ask if she saw the moment. Inevitably, why you are talking it gets hot, you start to peel off your sweater, or if you have none, he offers to speak to you outside, where its quiet. You and he start walking down the street, when your hands touch and you walk silently hand in hand. You wonder in your head, "Is this safe?", but it feels too good to fight, you just want to lay your head on his broad chest and trust every word that comes out of his mouth. Just let tonight be perfect...let you to be able to thin of this night for the next few weeks, months, so you know somebody wanted you and it was great.

Don't worry about tomorrow when you find out his real personality, enjoy the night....

<3 <3 miss u love <3 <3

Black History Month

Black History Month feels...well almost extinct, a bit remiss. February already goes by so fast. I started February looking for terrific events that I can go to find out more about Blacks in NC. I know that this place is filled to the brim with culture, not only is there a lot of black people here now, but Woolworth's counter in Greensboro and lots of other history!
I didn't see much, lots of movie opportunities from the last couple years, but me, I want to see the new stuff the things that win film festivals. Where are the museum pieces the odes to greatness. So I found four things so far that make me happy and I thought that I would share. One, a short film filled with gorgeous Black beauties in film and music, 2, a list of 100 books by Black women everyone should read, and 3, a beauty ode to Black History Month using children, and 4. A cool tumblr account filled with luminous Black women from our past. What will I be doing? Well I started reading the around 60 books (im not really convinced there are 100 there) from the list and read Our Black Year, that talked about how fast the black dollar leave the black community (read minutes/seconds) while the Asian dollar and Jewish dollar can last weeks, months in their respectively communities, even though Black discretionary spending is off the charts (like 940 MILLION!)* And I decided to try and go to as many Black owned businesses to try and add them to my regular shopping. I went to a great natural hair care store and a hookah-literary cafe. I will continue that quest.  Below are the four things I found that I wanted to share, All my sistah girl love,

Naturally Beautiful Black me!!

The Door by Ava DuVernay

100 books by Black Women everyone must read
http://www.forharriet.com/2013/02/100-books-by-black-women-everyone-must.html

3. Children resemble icons for Black History Month
https://www.facebook.com/#!/EuniqueJonesPhotography

4. Vintage Black Glamour
http://vintageblackglamour.tumblr.com/?mc_cid=d7c7aaa8ed&mc_eid=f345d9d41a

Enjoy!!

*Be careful with your readings, some lead to some angry feelings towards our less melanin friends

 

New subtitle for a new journey for this ex-country turned country girl

I wanted to change my sub-title.

You know the title that comes up after Naturally Beautiful Me. I was thinking citified country girl returns to country, feels out of place and in place at the same time.

Something like that...well it's true.

All I know to be true about my journey in Charlotte is as below:

I may always weigh a lil' more in the South than I ever did in D.C.

My hair is growing so fast, I never want to leave...(no wonder crops did so well here)

If I want to find a significant other (and I do!), my chances are much higher here than could ever be in D.C.

That's it....that is all I know to be true after being here for 5 months....(tune in to see what else I find out)

 

"I thought you were over traveling"

" I thought you were over traveling", he said to me like travelling was a disease or a cold something that I could get over. My mouth opened then closed, for those of you who don't know me, I have "a smart mouth", quick to say things that possibly shouldn't have been worded that way even if it was thought of that way.

My thoughts: How could you say that? How could one get over travelling? Especially while there are hundreds upon thousands of places that I have never been. My feet have never even touched Africa. My list is still overflowing waiting for dollars to be replaced in my account so I would be able to go the places that only I can imagine. Ghana, Kenya, Mozambique, different languages, different colors, different cultures. The unbelievable feeling that you are out of your element mixed with the excitement of being out of your element. Being able to see things more simply, to see others who believe that life is a gift, that food is a blessing, so little becomes so much. How different it changes your mind and in truth I like that person, I like who I am when I'm traveling. I like having to try hard, getting lost, meeting strangers that will grow with you, show you experiences, trusting others, and seeing the beauty that is the landscape, the sunset, the flowers bloom. Having the chance to do something once, that you know you may never do again. It is a feeling unexplainable, all you know is you want to do it again, and again, and possibly forever.

 One day, I wondered what I would do if I ultimately reached success, some arbituary title or salary that equals that I have made it. I would disappear....cause that was never as important to me as the people I could help the places I could visit, the love that I could spread.

So to answer his question....I will never be over traveling. Everything that I do to make myself greater and stronger is for three reasons, God, family and happiness. And without traveling, I don't think I could be completely happy. I may not be able to go for years, but weeks, a month, even 3, is always on my mind.

know what I mean?