Excuse, my tardiness the last couple of days, for I have been without internet, without my computer, in total rest and happiness.
I have been super-exceeding lately. In everything I do, I'm trying to give it my all. This is not always positive. In a relationship- whether a boss/employee, boo/girl, boyfriend/girlfriend, if one value supersecedes the other, then there is a sense of being left and also a feeling of not being needed. I am very used to working as 1.5 person because there wasn't another person there. Oh but when there is another person, then they don't have to do anything. OR maybe they don't do anything anyways.
What is emerging from my life pattern (said in my Will Smith Pursuit of Happyness voice): I would call this part of my life: Patience and learning to be totally committed.
I am waiting for a lot in my life. Will it be completely different soon? Where will I be? Where will I go? Will I make money? What will I be doing for my birthday? Will this make or break me?
Crickets** No answer.
What God has been doing and saying in my life: is the reminder that I am like no one else, and there is no one else that can go with me, show me, or tell me about the voyage that I will have to go on. And these people who are around me, the few people I can still talk to, will not be there. I feel like Noah. Last night to try and be that person I was, the person who I now never want to be, I went out, and had a drink or two. It was fun, lots of people told me stories about doing the same thing, but I mean they just weren't good stories.
I want to do a lot of things and it used to be easy to find someone to do something with me, and I miss the boy a lot, because we could do stuff together, but now I need to learn to do things on my own.
I may need to do vacas, concerts, even movies on my own. I don't know yet.
I do know when I got home at midnight my skype phone was ringing, and instead of going directly to sleep. I heard the song "Totally Committed" by New Direction, going over and over my head and receive an email from my church about a program tonight.
The lyrics are "if you're ready, then I'm ready, to be totally committed to you." Finally I said, ok God, I get it.
Back to church, children, and work outs only.
Peace and love.
Me
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