Day 299: Dr. Derby's view on Black Women Heavier and Happier with Their Bodies than White Women article...

Last week, I charged Dr. Derby to respond with her thoughts about the article I wrote about in my post The Saga of the Happiness of Overweight Black Women. I really love how she decided to take it one step further than me and comment on what this means to all women, instead of just Black and White like I did.

For your viewing pleasure: Dr. Derby


Dr. Derby's Disclaimer:
1. Everything I am about to say is my opinion (and I am not a gender/race/life expert of any kind!).
2. My body type sounds really similar to yours except my sizes are a little bigger! 8-10 tall, BMI average but closer to overweight. I don't remember the exact number. I'm not as curvy as you are but I'm taller--you've got the boobs/booty and I've got the leg bones!
3. I thought you made a really interesting point comparing what it means for white & black women. So I'll do that too!


What it means for EVERY woman:
Every woman should work out. It makes us feel sexy, boosts self-esteem and is good for long-term health. Doing so would allow every woman, black or white, to focus on being a healthy version of herself. This is a given in my mind, not something that needs to be dissected by an article where someone can be "one of the most full-figured women in the gym, but she’s in love with her body." Uh, no kidding. If every woman worked out hard (in a class or routine that she really enjoyed) she would be in love with her natural body, too.


What it means for white women:
I went to a party once where a (unprovoked) man told a woman "I like you, baby; I prefer thick women." In my opinion, this is a great example of the issues white women face: does 'thick'* mean 'fat'? do men 'prefer' a woman (even though she's 'thick')? and why, exactly, do men feel they have the right to tell white women what they prefer? it's incredibly patronizing and implies that white women hang around waiting for male approval to exist as they are. After hundreds of years being objectified by a patriarchal society (the most aspirational European female lifestyles in the 18th and 19th centuries involved conducting servants around the house and playing with kids for 30 minutes a day a la Ibsen's A Doll's House), white women have spent generations campaigning for equal rights. Unfortunately, this manifested as 'let me do all the things men do--work full time, have non-committal sex without judgement, even play sports--the way men do them. Which means we (white women) now live in a society where women can do what men do--as long as we are prepared to earn less for the privilege of feeling and responding and behaving like men, not women.


What it means for black women:
In some ways, it seems like black women have reached the place where white women should aim to be: full awareness and acceptance of feminine selfhood. It makes sense that, as the article explains, black women have been marginalized throughout society and in that one way avoided mainstream scrutiny; as a result, they have developed their own beliefs about beauty, sexiness, etc. It's a laudable example of power and strength that white women, as a whole, have yet to achieve. (I went on a date once where the guy said "things will never work out for us--I can't control you." It's a great example of the negative feedback strong white women hear.) I REALLY dislike the provocative headline of 'heavier, happier' because it, like most titles, is designed to introduce us to the central conflict of the article. I.e. how can a woman be happy AND heavy? Maybe because she's an awesome person with a kick-ass personality and decent health habits.To the final question in your blog post, I think the article (despite its oblique insults) offers a wonderful reminder than weight should not be a bigger deal than personality, or kindness, or good health, or passion. That being said, the general tone describes thick black women who work out and love themselves as this sort of amazing, news-worthy anomaly--and that bothers me.


The bottom line, for me, is that women can continue to have these conversations and support one another because women are ultimately part of one tribe. We support and champion each other--or at least we should. So bravo to every woman who works hard for a healthy, strong body, bravo to every woman who loves herself exactly as she is, and let's remind every woman, black or white, to live the most honest, passionate version of her life. Even if that means kickboxing and occasional sleeves of Oreos, as it does for me!

*Added by Naturally Black me, thick for a black women is definitely a compliment!

Naturally Black me after reading this post put on her yoga pants and sports bra, and went to go work out.