One of the things that happened when I first got to DC occurred during the quest for friendship. I was getting to know the girls at work and other people and I was in "new possible friend" zone. Many (read lots) of my friends from college moved up here, but I guess with the fast pace life, they all became lost to me. (if you don't have a reason to see them, you don't) I remember easily meeting two girls at two different times who I thought were good people until they said something that threw me off. Both girls mentioned that men flock to me and I'm good at talking to them, and they would like to hang out with me so they could meet men too.
Wait, what?
It's was not my personality, my wit, my laughter, we like to do the same things, we like the same foods, we use the same hair products, DANG NEAR ANYTHING ELSE. Something I could attribute to being me, or something I could feel proud of. Basically what I was hearing is, I could use you girl, even if we aren't cool you can get me guys.
Neither girl noticed that offended me and though I gave them both a chance anyways in the name of friendship, that comment pretty much ruined what could have been a good friendship. Actually one girl and I had complementary personalities and I'm always sad that the comment was all that I could remember.
I look now three years later and its almost absurd to me how many people are up here, and how few female friends I really have. When it really comes down to calling my best girl friend and asking her to chill, I find that 9 times out of 10, I have no number to dial. Even people I treat like my best friend, its crippling to a relationship for it not to go both ways, and it hurts it really hurts. Now I have female friends all over the globe that I can call and we can laugh and visit now and then but when it comes to Friday night, and I just want to maybe grab dinner, or go to a bar, more and more I find if I go, it's not with people I'm close to. I will be forever the little girl who is a bit sensitive, who wears her heart on her sleeve and who wants to share with everyone all that she has, so they can be happy like her.
All I can do is stay hopeful.
I can never forget how many times my mother said "Don't let anyone steal your joy."
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