Boo was sitting on my bed when he looked down, and saw with his detective eyes a weapon that I had hidden between my bed frame and my mattress*. When I turned around from looking in the mirror, he had it in his hand.
And then it hit me. The realization. Someone who I had know for years, I suddenly seemed like I saw for the first time.
This was a man. A very big man. He has at least 7 or 8 inches on me, as well as probably 75 lbs. And he had a weapon in his hand.
I always thought of him to be regular-sized, or at least more of a gentle giant.
But just then I wondered a hundred thoughts at once. I wonder how the world sees him. Is he scary to others? He has never ever been a source of fear for me, sometimes I even think I could probably take him. But I wonder what kinda danger he can wield when he's put in a corner, if you make him angry or upset, even if he is just rough housing, well kinda too rough.
He was playing with it, like a kid plays with numchucks, with a child like face, pretending to slash his opponent, knock his knees out, I don't even think he saw the look in my eye.
I wonder then if I could take him, even if I had that weapon. His hands are so big, they look like they can wrap around my neck twice, but maybe I could stab him in the eyes.
LOLL, when he smiles and then laughs, I know why I never had the realization before. If he was going to attack me, he would have had his chance on the night of our very first date (lol and now not only date). It took only sheer willpower for him and me just to make it through the date. When he dropped me off, I quickly hopped out and got into my own car. But as I pulled up to the stop light, he pulled up beside me, rolled down his window, and told me that I had left a piece of my purse in his car (the part that holds the zipper). He said that he hoped he would see me again, because he would have to give it back to me. After our date, I had just assumed he would never want to see me again. But then he gave me that smile, the one that I love every time I see it, the reason why I keep seeing him. Who can pay attention to body size when you see a smile like that?
* So much of this story is a realization of the relationship I have with my dad. Would I have had a weapon hidden there, if it wasn't for my dad, the cop? Probably not. Would I have been afraid of bigger people if it wasn't for my dad, the original Gentle Giant, 6'5 probably weighed 4 times as me growing up? uhh Maybe. Would I have thought of ways to take Boo down in case of eminent danger? Probably not. Did my dad sometimes grab my legs from under me to show me how to protect myself when I was younger? Definitely. Didn't I just grab my 12 year old cousin by her feet, and told her to try to free herself... Oh Gosh.
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