1 year and three months ago, I started this blog because my boyfriend at the time was going overseas, and I didn't want to be alone to battle the feelings that were to surely come. I have learned a lot about myself in that time, discovered my faults, inadequacies, pondered the meaning of me, and learned how quick I go to dismissal sometimes before the problem even presents itself. It leads to destruction. You also learn how others around you want to dissect the problem and determine who is to blame. Well...both.still to this day both. I see how people treat the woman...what did/didn't she do? She said that? What he deserves better...he can get another and she will be alone. All true.
I freed my emotions from it (well every now and then) but still find that I don't think I will never have another connection like that one. Read that line again...I said connection..not love. This man and I have the exact same emotions about so many things. I believe our nature was so similar, it was our nuture that made us different people. Born on the same day of the same year. WOW. Our highs were higher together, our lows were lower together, and to our detriment if one of us blew up....the other blew higher....our romantic passion soared through the clouds...but our dramatic passion often hit Mars. If provoked we could have sparked something between us so fierce it would have burnt down the house we were standing in. When things were good they were real good, days spent not even leaving one another, always a way to keep us together, but when things were bad, we never knew how to get away from each other.
Ambition, finances, unknowns, promises, all wreaked havoc in our relationship like I'm sure that they do in many relationships.
But to this day, he can call me like it was the first night we spoke, like it hasn't been 4 years since we met, 3 years since we broke up the first time, 2 years since we started dating the second time, 1 year since we broke up the last time. Nothing has changed, he is still gone, he is still doing his thing, i'm doing mine, he found a younger, upgraded version of me which he smugly states "she's down with the program, loyal at all costs" 8 months ago, he started calling again....we spoke everyday, texted every hour, skyped nightly, he knew me well enough to know that I was going through a change and would need the support. That he has always been supportive. But we both go too fast....run from one emotion to the next until we realize that we have once again blown past the base of reality and are now out in the galaxy trying to outdo one another like when Charlie and Grandpa drank that fizzylifting drink and blew all the way to the dangerous fan. We do good have fun, then find ourselves circling the fan.
We cooled down since then, we exist in manic states of all or nothing, and find spring is an all time...so we start again.
He is the same as me.
For three years, I thought that meant that we would be perfect together.The highs we were feeling we weren't going to come down this time.
He knows exactly how I feel because he feels the same.
Us never coming to a conclusion but knowing having each other in our lives, feels better than not having each other.
He is the same as me.
I did the most adult thing I have ever done, I let go. I know that soon we will be circling the fan. He will push my buttons or I will push his, and we take our final moment trying to throw the other towards the fan in an effort to save ourselves.
"you are not the one for me, and I am not the one for you" Jill Scott "Cross My Mind"
I freed my emotions from it (well every now and then) but still find that I don't think I will never have another connection like that one. Read that line again...I said connection..not love. This man and I have the exact same emotions about so many things. I believe our nature was so similar, it was our nuture that made us different people. Born on the same day of the same year. WOW. Our highs were higher together, our lows were lower together, and to our detriment if one of us blew up....the other blew higher....our romantic passion soared through the clouds...but our dramatic passion often hit Mars. If provoked we could have sparked something between us so fierce it would have burnt down the house we were standing in. When things were good they were real good, days spent not even leaving one another, always a way to keep us together, but when things were bad, we never knew how to get away from each other.
Ambition, finances, unknowns, promises, all wreaked havoc in our relationship like I'm sure that they do in many relationships.
But to this day, he can call me like it was the first night we spoke, like it hasn't been 4 years since we met, 3 years since we broke up the first time, 2 years since we started dating the second time, 1 year since we broke up the last time. Nothing has changed, he is still gone, he is still doing his thing, i'm doing mine, he found a younger, upgraded version of me which he smugly states "she's down with the program, loyal at all costs" 8 months ago, he started calling again....we spoke everyday, texted every hour, skyped nightly, he knew me well enough to know that I was going through a change and would need the support. That he has always been supportive. But we both go too fast....run from one emotion to the next until we realize that we have once again blown past the base of reality and are now out in the galaxy trying to outdo one another like when Charlie and Grandpa drank that fizzylifting drink and blew all the way to the dangerous fan. We do good have fun, then find ourselves circling the fan.
We cooled down since then, we exist in manic states of all or nothing, and find spring is an all time...so we start again.
He is the same as me.
For three years, I thought that meant that we would be perfect together.The highs we were feeling we weren't going to come down this time.
He knows exactly how I feel because he feels the same.
Us never coming to a conclusion but knowing having each other in our lives, feels better than not having each other.
He is the same as me.
I did the most adult thing I have ever done, I let go. I know that soon we will be circling the fan. He will push my buttons or I will push his, and we take our final moment trying to throw the other towards the fan in an effort to save ourselves.
"you are not the one for me, and I am not the one for you" Jill Scott "Cross My Mind"
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